MATCHING UNDERWEAR
A few weeks ago we were laughing at our buddy Ryan for claiming that ever since he started wearing matching tighty-whities and T-shirts he can’t stop getting laid. Then we told our girlfriends and they were all, “That sounds kind of hot actually.” Try it. It’s weird. It’s like catnip to them. It’s like a guy’s version of lingerie.
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Thanks to Barry Dubrow of Anchorage, AK
Go to giantmicrobes.com. Syphilis is the cutest.
SHIT FROM HOMELESS PEOPLE
We bought this pile of Beatles quotes and three cassettes from a homeless man for $40. Sounds expensive, we know, but buying shit from crazy people is something you never regret. The art looks really good when you frame it (plus people think you’re deep when they see it on your wall) and the cassettes turned out to be him playing beautiful classical guitar and mumbling things like “I bet your band doesn’t know—‘She’s Too Fat for Me’ ” (which is an incredibly esoteric polka song from the 40s). Kind of makes you think: Crazy is just a cunt hair away from genius and there but for the grace of God go you.
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* Dear God: What I’m promising here is that we won’t ever deceive the readers with fake photographs again. Please do not blind my mother on some weird technicality like an ad or a black bar on someone’s eyes or some mistake that I wasn’t aware of. You’re all-knowing so you know what I meant by that promise and I don’t want anything to happen to her. Play fair.
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