Om du aldrig jobbat i en butik på en shoppinggata har du ingen jävla aning om hur livet egentligen är.
Finns det gudomlig visdom att inhämta på Ikea eller är det bara ett helt vanligt, gigantiskt varuhus?
British supermarket Tesco has just given its staff the right to eject customers wearing pyjamas, so I thought I'd put some other places to the test.
The "smell of fresh crap" still lingers over Älmhult, according to one resident.
IKEA: come for the Swedish meatballs, stay for the fight with bae.
Music in shops is getting louder, says the 'Daily Mail', but what other sorts of witchcraft are retailers using to make us impulse buy?
Some gave me enormous tits, others gave me bird-like claws.
I spoke to a seasoned shoplifter and one of the "store detectives" tasked with catching people like her in the act.
We asked them how they prepared for a hailstorm of bargain hunters.
I found alcoholism, gambling, God, and deep conversations about Donald Trump at Vancouver's Kingsgate shopping centre.
Back then, I thought True Religion was the epitome of sophistication. To pay $167 for a pair of jeans had to be cosmopolitan.
If you've never worked in a high street shop, you have no fucking idea what real life is.