You know the bit in The Omen
when the monkeys jump on the car
in the safari park? That’s what the good
citizens of Delhi have to
live with every single fucking day.
The city is experiencing a plague of
20,000 Rhesus monkeys swarming around a
city of 1,483 sq km (allowing for about 13
monkeys per square kilometre at all times)
stealing, mugging pedestrians, and
rampaging through government buildings.
In October last year they threw the deputy
mayor off his balcony and killed him. The whole situation is totally bananas, so
we called up our boy in Delhi and asked
him what the hell was going on.

Vice: Did monkeys really kill your mayor? Cause that would be… bananas.
Anupam Choudhury: The mayor fell off the balcony
while struggling with the monkeys. It was the fall that
killed him, but the monkeys did attack him. They are a
danger in places where they’ve more or less settled. The problem occurs when monkeys settle into a thickly
populated area. There’s a struggle for food and space
and then there is a natural clash. That’s when people
get attacked. Luckily, few Delhiites travel on foot. The
monkeys move around in large groups. They stick to
areas where people feed them, like the Central
Secretariat complex or the temples. These areas are
overrun and are where the most attacks happen.

What is it like to be attacked?
It’s extremely frightening. I was 7 years old when it
happened to me but I still have nightmares about it.
My village was infested with monkeys, creating havoc. I
made a catapult and aimed at the largest male of a
group. That monkey must have been taller than me. It
was around 30 metres away, I never thought that I
would hit it, but I did. The monkey turned around and
with just four to five leaps he was basically at me. I dropped
my flip-flops and ran like hell into the house! My uncle
had to come out with a big stick to shoo it away.

What do these monkeys get up to when they aren’t
assassinating local dignitaries?
Well, in general they just eat, sleep, scratch, and pick
lice from each other’s fur. The larger monkeys climb up
and down trees and buildings looking for food.

Why doesn’t the government just kill them?
I’m sure many people think that is a good idea. But,
to a large section of the population, devout Hindus,
these monkeys are reincarnations of the monkey god
Hanuman. Most people feed these monkeys because
of that, even though it’s illegal. They are so sacred
that you cannot even propose neutering them.

BRUNO BAYLEY