The last few weeks has seen a 7bn percent increase in the number of children roaming the streets aimlessly in balaclavas dressed like Hijack. Maybe now the priests will leave them alone and TopShop can bring out the “Riot Range” to deflect attention from the fact they’re owned by a billionaire adviser to the ConDem government who hasn’t been paying his taxes. Here’s a round-up of what’s been making people in the UK and Ireland so angry that they’ve decided to spend all week shouting about it in public.

STUDENT PROTESTS, LONDON – 01/12/10

It’s 11am, and early-bird student protesters begin gathering at Trafalgar Square an hour after people who already have jobs in the media started work. This guy came dressed as “bad student” – wrapped in preemptive police tape and quoting passages from The Book of the Juggalos, he selflessly made himself an example of someone who should definitely not be given free money by the government.

It was getting cold so the crowd moved off towards parliament, but were pushed back by a line of riot cops. The crowd ran off in the other direction and began the really boring two and half hour run around London. I did not sign up for this shit, even being kettled is better than a ten mile hike in the snow.

It quickly became clear that the crowd had no idea where they were meant to be going, but luckily ULU President Clare Solomon was on hand, striking a heroic pose above seas of cops.

The crowd ran through the streets aimlessly for half an hour, before it was finally agreed that we would head towards Oxford Street to freak out Spanish shoppers. I’m starting to get bored with all the “clever” wordplay in these placards. All I really want is something nice and abusive that gets to the point: “Tory Scum, Fuck Your Mum”, or words to that effect.

As the crowd moved up Piccadilly they spotted a Bentley with blacked-out windows, and immediately started screaming “It’s Cameron! Kill him!”. A few people started kicking the tyres like men shopping for cars who don’t know anything about them, which irked this guy. Here he is explaining to the crowd that a) his car is not for sale, and b) even if it were, he is definitely not the current leader of the UK Conservative Party, so just FUCK OFF.

As the demonstration entered Regent Street one guy let off a flare and started running, so everyone else did. Lil’ Chris was there incidentally, I saw him gutting a copper with a placard later.

Nelson’s Column was the focal point of the demonstrations, and where future number one hits such as “When I say Nick Clegg, you say Dick-head” and “Cameron is a Paedo” were composed.

The police aren’t all bad. Luckily they were on hand to catch this female photographer when she fell out of the sky.

Listening to Finley Quaye during a riot is like going on a drive-by murder spree in GTA with the tank’s radio tuned to Classic FM. It shouldn’t work, but for whatever reason it really, really does.

Pffft, whatever. This is just like any other Friday night outside Fabric, only with less Italian tourists sweating their pills out through their eyes and more of me getting a baton wrapped around my head.

Next on the agenda was the destruction of Waterstone’s. The irony of smashing a book shop up is excruciatingly obvious, so I won’t explain it for you.

Typical: you wait years for the chance to smash up a bus stop, and then two come along at once.

ANTI-BAILOUT PROTESTS, DUBLIN – 27/11/10

Things aren’t exactly all kissing flame-haired maidens in picturesque meadows and drinking Magners in Ireland at the moment.

The Obvious Party says YES to Obvious Banners.

Come on Ireland, these cops are gonna get cold if you don’t give them an excuse to start cracking skulls.

SIR PHILIP GREEN TAX AVOIDANCE PROTEST, LONDON – 29/11/10

I’m not sure if turning Nick Clegg into a messenger of the Divine Spirit is the way to approach this, but it seemed to upset the security guards quite a lot.

Is it inflammatory to say that these girls would never have been able to afford the equipment they need for their courses in New Media if Thatcherite yuppie greed hadn’t powered the home technology boom of the 1980s? It is? Oh well, I guess that just makes me a fascist square and them my future wives.

At one point the guy in the suit insisted that he’d stay camped on the pavement outside TopShop until Philip Green had paid his taxes, but eventually it got too cold so everyone went home peacefully.

LONDON PHOTOS: HENRY LANGSTON

DUBLIN PHOTOS: IAN KEEGAN

WORDS: BILBO BAGHEAD