tits

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  • My Very Gay Night at Very Straight Strip Clubs

    I'm about as gay as Cristiano Ronaldo's underwear drawer, so the sultry photos plastered outside of New York’s mega strip club, FlashDancers, have never really interested me. Recently, though, I got to thinking, and as a man who loves sex, sex workers...

  • Titty Twisters and Striptease Turkeys

    Sorry I went Earl Sweatshirt on you for a few months. But I'm back. You haven't missed much—just babies getting their nipples twisted off, strip clubs giving away turkeys, a ton of cocaine, and ladies riding manatees.

  • The Dark Knight XXX: A Porn Parody

    Just as hip-hop died outside the Petersen Automotive Museum in Los Angeles, so did her big beautiful breasts in 1997. I’m no Columbo but I’ve seen a lot of episodes of 'Law & Order,' and I can’t help but wonder if the two crimes are somehow related...

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  • Treating Actors Like Cattle at the Toronto International Film Festival

    I didn’t spot any international celebrities at the party I threw at The Bovine Sex Club. They were probably off somewhere being herded through pens like bulls to slaughter. Doesn’t sound like a bad idea.

  • Waiting for the Panties to Drop in Times Square

    I was caught in a gathering of sleazedicks circled around painter Andy Golub as he smeared vibrant colors on the pasty, yet supple buttcheeks of a 24-year-old naturist who goes by the name Felicity Jones. Felicity was the youngest of the four females...

  • The VICE Guide to Being a Lesbian

    An A-Z of wisdom for girls who do girls. Because fuck you, no one ever pays any attention to us dykes anyway. We've only got one TV show, we've got about four role models, and Queen Victoria didn't even believe we existed.

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