Bruise Cruise Logbook – Day One

When I first got offered a ticket on the Bruise Cruise I stopped and wondered if I should go or not. Someone once told me “it’s like being stuck at a sweaty warehouse venue—for four days.” But other friends are like “Dude, you should absolutely definitely go.” So I thought about what I’d be doing if I weren’t on the cruise, and I realized that whatever it was, I wouldn’t be on a cruise ship bound for the Bahamas. So now I’m on the boat, and I’ll be sending you daily updates of all the weird shit I get into.

The Bruise Cruise is basically a Caribbean Cruise with a bunch of Brooklyn garage rock bands playing on it. The whole thing is organized by Panache Booking. I’m onboard with the Noisey crew for the weekend—we flew down to Miami yesterday for the pre party.

Forbes recently named Miami the most miserable city in America. Second was Detroit. You have this idea of Miami being fabulous, vain, and narcissistic. I think of 90s babes cruising around on roller blades. After visiting some of Miami’s establishments, you can tell that its a pretty lonely place. And it’s been raining. Honestly, it never occurred to me for one second that it could potentially rain on the Bruise Cruise and now we are in Miami and it’s totally pouring out. Maj bummer.

The opening night party was at the Stage, and it featured sets by a bunch of the Bruise Cruise bands—Jacuzzi Boys, the Soft Pack, King Kahn and the Shrines, Thee Oh Sees, and Fucked Up. The Stage is in a blank warehouse building down a dark alley. When we got in there was a pretty weird mix of people trolling around—some middle aged white people in suits drinking wine and a bunch of soaking wet Brooklyn kids wearing flannels. There is even a woman in a coral evening dress setting up a table of vegetable trays and cookie platters while the Bruise Cruise Team sets up their registration table covered in 7-inches and B.C.-printed bathing suits and condoms. Worlds collide.

Some bros came up to me and asked if we went to High School together. Really? They’re from Jacksonville and were stoked to get on the cruise. He had just gone up to Damian from Fucked Up and told him how much he appreciated them coming to Miami—I guess it’s been a long time coming. But then the dude got nervous about fanning out and said “Tough life going on a cruise.” Conversation ender.

The Jacuzzi Boys and Soft Pack got things started while the open bar welcomed Bruise Cruisers in from the rain. This girl B.A. Miale is a video artist doing visuals for the parties. She told me she’s going to be shooting footage on the cruise all weekend, including underwater pool shots to use for Saturday night’s party.

Things start really getting messy when King Kahn and the Shrines came on. Their vibe is sort of like if Hima from Das Racist dressed up in a Las Vegas Spartan costume and performed as James Brown and had Flea on guitar. Their set included precious banter like “this song is for all you fat girls out there,” and “if anyone’s been to jail then they know what this song is about.” So you know—pretty sick!

At this point people started partying. It was packed out so you could hardly move. Thee Oh Sees were totally killing it with sweet psych-jam vibes, and everyone was getting sweaty. The whole room felt like a giant mosh pit—people were going totally wild. Some dude told me he was going to stay up till Sunday—yikes!

Fucked Up was on last but we bailed. Had to do it. Couldn’t deal. The pre-party was so insane and we hadn’t even gotten on the cruise yet!

We’re all super pumped for this! The rain stopped and the weather this morning looked awesome. Gotta go party more so I’ll just end with something King Kahn said last night “This boat is gonna be fucked up.”

Wish you were here!

Jess also sings for This Frontier Needs Heroes, the cutest brother-sister folk-rock jammy jammers in Brooklyn. Check out their music and follow them at @thisfrontier.

You can also follow the Bruise Cruise’s epic tweets at @bruisecruise.