Can the Cinderella Rule Save Your Sex Life?

Finding time and energy to sustain a regular sex life can be difficult in even the healthiest of relationships. However, some couples are finding creative solutions to lower their expectations for late-night hookups by scheduling sex during earlier evening hours. How? They’re setting cut-off times for intimacy, where they are not allowing themselves to engage in sex after a specific time of the day. 

They call this the “Cinderella Rule.” But does it work long-term? Let’s get into it.

What Is the ‘Cinderella Rule’ in Relationships?

The Cinderella Rule essentially refers to a cut-off time couples set for sex at the end of the day. For example, one partner might say they don’t want to get intimate after, say, 10 p.m.

Think of it like this: We all know the Disney princess Cinderella, who infamously had to be home before midnight. Otherwise, her ball gown turns back into rags, her coach becomes a pumpkin, and her horses revert to mice. There’s a very clear end time for her to head home. (To be honest, I wish I had a valid reason to leave a party and be in bed before midnight.)

Couples have taken this “rule” and used it to set parameters for their sex lives. 

Pros of the Cinderella Rule

Here are two of the positives of implementing the Cinderella Rule in your relationship.

Helps Prioritize Intentional Connection

The Cinderella Rule means you have to actively prioritize and make time for sex—before you’re both too exhausted and drained from the day. Additionally, it helps create space for other forms of intimacy, like emotional connection or even just cuddling.

Provides a Sense of Safety and Comfort

Unfortunately, and often without even realizing it, some couples fall into a pattern where sex feels more like an obligation than an opportunity to connect. Knowing your partner won’t push for something when you’re not in the mood can reinforce the respect, safety, and comfort between you. 

Cons of the Cinderella Rule

Here are two concerns regarding the Cinderella Rule.

Takes Away the Spontaneity

Part of the fun and spice of sex is the spontaneity. If you feel you’re setting strict times for it, that might take the magic and romance out of the equation.

Can Create Unspoken Rules

If you set a boundary regarding the timing of sex, your partner might feel afraid to initiate at any point. If you’re going to enforce this rule, you should be clear about your expectations so that no one feels like they’re overstepping or risking rejection. 

Should You Enforce the ‘Cinderella Rule’?

Well…it depends. Are you on the same page with your partner? Are you communicating effectively? Are your intentions to create a safer, more intentional space? Do both parties feel fulfilled in the situation?

While you never—ever—owe anyone…not even your partner…sex, you still should ensure that both of you are getting your needs met and feel comfortable with your arrangement. While this rule might help establish healthy boundaries, ensure it doesn’t replace actual connection and communication. No one should feel like they’re walking on eggshells in a relationship.