Shaggy exists in a realm of music that I will never understand. It might be because I’m not a 43-year-old divorced secretary looking to spice up my life with something exotic, but safe. He’s managed to adopt a Disney cartoon persona which makes his nymphomaniac music somehow seem family-friendly. I kinda hoped he would be a dick, but he was just a well-oiled interviewing machine. We got to talking about his love of pussy flavoured ice-cream and classy freaks with cottage cheese asses and rolls like a motherfucker.

Vice: Hey Shaggy! What’s up?
Shaggy: I just finished my album.

How was that? Get a chance to work with anyone interesting?
I did a song with Sizzla. I think he’s amazing. I’m very impressed with his delivery, his voice and the passion that comes out – just how effortless it is, you know. Even though it was a song that I wrote, how he interpreted it was magical.

Didn’t they want to cancel his tours and stop his funding because he hates gays?
He’s a very charismatic character in his own way. Whether you agree with his views or not, you can’t help but admire him because he stands for something.

Do you think you’re in a position where you can say what you really want to say?
If I did something and they started to cut off my funding and canceling my tours, I’d probably cave in and write some fucking apology or some shit like that, you know? SO pussy. But there are so many parties involved in my thing that I know I’d be pressured to do it. And I don’t think Sizzla’s the type to be pressured. He’d be like “Fuck you, I’ll find my own way to do it.” You’ve got to admire that.

Well at least you got to work with someone with balls. Meet anyone else of interest?
Just last week I got to spend some time with Jimmy Cliff in Washington D.C.. Oh, and Condoleeza Rice was there. She’s a big music head, and there’s a personality behind that. Probably a big freak. Trust me, she’s probably one of them closet ones with whips and chains.

Moving along, what’s you favourite ice-cream flavour? Is it pussy?
Wow, you’re close. It’s gourmet ice cream you can only find in Jamaica at Devon’s House. But Pussy is definitely in second place.

Knew it.  Oh, and now that’s the heat’s died down, was it you?
No. It still wasn’t me, and I’m sticking to that story.  But when it comes to cheating, women do it better. When a man does it, it’s written all over his face, they can’t lie. While a woman comes in, and she puts on the cry. It’s amazing how you do it.

You have a ladies man persona, what kind of women do you go for?
Classy Freaks. Those are the ones I like. Actually, dancehall patrons are the most confident. You’ll find chicks with bellies hanging out, asses with so much cottage cheese, in the most sexiest of outfits, and you cannot tell them that they’re not hot. An amazing amount of confidence. Rolls like a motherfucker, but they’re like “I’m hot”. I like to see a woman glammed up, no matter what size. It’s about confidence. It’s a beautiful thing.

But you can’t really have the freak all the time. Like what if you have to go to the supermarket or something?
Hey, chill with the shopping thing cos I don’t do that shit. I don’t shop. I have someone shop for me. I don’t mind spending money, I just hate spending money myself. I will buy a ton of shit, but I will never physically do it. If you want to take my card and go out, be my guest.

Did this just turn into an MTV cribs episode? Weird. Is this where the camera zooms in on your hand carved car collection? Maybe next time we can discuss the contents of your fridge. But anyways, thanks Shaggy!

* Shaggy’s eagerly anticipated album Intoxication is due out later this year.