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What It's Like to Come Out as Asexual

A New Zealander, an Australian and a Canadian on the conversations that changed their lives forever.

Nege says her friends and family always knew something about her was "different."

"I never got into regular relationships and I never took a partner home to meet my family," says the 33-year-old Canadian.

A few years ago, she started considering her inclinations—or lack thereof—more closely. Why was she thoroughly disinterested in sex and relationships? She had a few theories, from low self-esteem, body negativity and embarrassment, to setting "unreasonably high" standards for her partners. "People told me that none of those excuses were valid, that I'm desirable and they desire me," she says.

Figuring there must be an underlying reason, Nege dwelled on this for a year before discovering information online about asexuality. Soon after, she started identifying as asexual. She began sharing this fact with her friends, and though she received a few shrugs and blank faces, she was largely supported by those closest to her.

"They were maybe confused about the concept, but not at all shocked or hurt about the reality. They had already accepted me for who I am," she says.

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