The ‘Wait to Eat’ Rule Is Awkward for Everyone. Here’s Why.

You’re at a restaurant. Your plate hits the table first. You’re starving, but you wait—because that’s what decent people do, right? Then your friend’s food arrives before yours, and you instantly wave them on. “Eat, please,” you say, pretending it’s no big deal. But deep down, you know you wouldn’t have touched yours.

A new study published in Appetite unpacks why so many of us play this awkward dinner game. Researchers found that people hold themselves to much stricter standards than they expect from others. In six experiments with nearly 2,000 participants, people consistently said they’d wait for everyone’s food to arrive if they were served first. But when imagining the roles reversed, they said their companion could just go ahead and eat.

It’s a psychological glitch. We’re hyper-aware of our own guilt, discomfort, and fear of being rude. But we can’t fully feel those same emotions on someone else’s behalf. Even when participants were asked to take another person’s perspective—or told outright that their friend didn’t mind—the self-imposed pressure to wait didn’t go away.

Why You Feel Rude Eating First—Even When They Say It’s Okay

In a global survey of 625 people across 91 countries, 91% said waiting to eat is an expected norm. But when tested, that expectation didn’t stick evenly. We assume others are more relaxed than we are, even when they’re stuck in the same uncomfortable spot.

It goes beyond manners. The study found that people genuinely believe waiting makes them feel better while assuming others won’t benefit from doing the same. That disconnect isn’t something you can fix with a quick reminder—it’s built into how we see ourselves versus everyone else.

The study also noted a small gender difference, with women more likely to endorse waiting in general. But the double standard held strong across all demographics. Being too polite to start eating while someone else waits is a nearly universal behavior—and it’s tied to how we process our own emotions, not a shared sense of etiquette.

Restaurants might want to rethink staggered food delivery. What seems like a small delay in the kitchen can spiral into real discomfort for customers trying to follow the rules in their own heads.

So when someone tells you to eat, they probably mean it. Just don’t expect them to take that same advice if the roles are flipped.