Why is our nation's favourite Christmas film so bleak?
This nearly man, this odd little bloke, has most likely been in the throes of a constant, violent internal crisis since about 1987.
This Christmas, let's remember why Fat Face, WHSmiths and Argos still exist.
Because it is a weekly reminder of just how ugly and slow democracy can be.
'Later... with Jools Holland' is like seeing your dad drunk for the first time.
For the first of a new series examining British TV icons, we look at Noel Edmonds – a man who has managed to balance his otherworldly outlook with a healthy career in showbiz.