Jose Canseco

  • Lance Armstrong, Steroids, and Why I’d Become a Vampire

    One thing I never understood is why anyone wouldn’t want to be bitten by a vampire. It’s like, what the fuck? Are you kidding me? I’d become a vampire in a heartbeat.

  • Religions Are Cults

    I’m an atheist-scientologist. It’s really simple. The reason I look toward Scientology is because it’s a religion mostly based on science and fact. I don’t believe in cosmos or agnosticism. I believe there’s just life on Earth and then you die. It’s...

  • Let’s Talk About Time Travel

    I time travel all the time and have been for the last 20 years; it’s real simple. But there are rules: You can’t travel to the future, and you can’t change history—but that’s a good thing because you wouldn’t want to wake up in a different future or...

  • I’m Broke and It’s the Government’s Fault

    You might’ve heard that last week I filed for Chapter 7 bankruptcy. Let me tell you from first-hand experience, the IRS are a bunch of thirsty piranhas. They bled me dry. And it’s my duty to warn you: It can happen to anyone.

  • Control the People, Not the Guns

    Once, when I was about 19, I had a gun pulled on me by a younger kid. He was probably 16 or so, and he put it right in my face. My reaction was, “Put that thing away.” He jumped in his car and took off. But I’m a 6'4" 250-pound martial arts expert.

  • A Look Back on the South Coast League, Where Baseball Went to Die

    Independent League baseball is like the Island of Misfit Ballplayers, full of unheralded prospects and vets desperate for one last shot at the dance.