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Noisey

We Need to Talk About Madonna’s Carpool Karaoke

How can Madonna bend her leg like that? But also, why? Why does she do it for so long, like she’s trying to pop open the sun roof with her little spiky heel?

by Daisy Jones
Dec 8 2016, 3:12pm

I feel like the world has a two-sided relationship with Madonna. On the one hand, she's fucking Madonna. She's spent four decades releasing pure pop bangers that are iconic before they even existed as a vague thought in her head. On the other, she convinces me that Matt Bellamy is correct and there are evil lizard people secretly living among us. Yes, she is the undisputed Grammy Award-winning queen of pop but she's also a strange, strange being.

On that note, she recently filmed Carpool Karaoke with James Cordon. Carpool Karaoke is what musicians do when they want to appear more human and chill, but these 13 minutes with Madonna raise more questions than they give answers. There are a lot of things I'd like to know about Madonna now, and I thought I already had quite a few queries in the query bank.

First, look at the image above. How can Madonna, at 58 years of age, bend her leg like that? Also, why? Why does she do it for so long, like she's trying to pop open the sun roof with her little spiky heel? Second, how much money did her outfit cost? Because she's literally dripping in pure gold. I would guess that her personalised name belt alone cost a cool million. Imagine wearing that much money – your skin would develop a metallic sheen, you'd probably start shitting out coins. Third, when she flips over and twerks uncontrollably (a moment which deserves its own separate article), what is that strapped to her back? Is it a toothbrush? Why does Madonna have a toothbrush strapped to her back? Has she always had that there?

But most importantly of all, did she really pash Michael Jackson? Can you imagine that? What would that have been like? Wouldn't their faces have melded together, silicon on silicon, to create one iconic, everlasting being, Jacksonna? It makes my insides feel weird.

You can watch the whole thing for yourself below: