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The VICE Guide to Right Now

MIT's Cheetah Robot Can Run and Jump, Will Probably Be Sentient and Slaughtering Us All Soon

The beast looks silly and harmless now, but that's exactly the kind of thinking that will get you ripped to shreds by its magnesium alloy teeth in a decade or so.

River Donaghey

River Donaghey

In the near future, the world will be overrun by robotic felines that recharge their lithium ion batteries by feasting on the electrical charge from a freshly dead human corpse. From a distance, the robot beast's matte-black skin makes it look panther-like; up close, the flesh is hairless and smooth and wholly unnatural. It is dull, gray-black in color, rubbery. Sweat will fall from your brow and roll in droplets down the robot's side, barely leaving a trace on its water-resistant surface. You will only have a few seconds to register this, though. Get anywhere close to the beast and it will turn its head toward you with a dull, whirring sound and then seamlessly dislodge your esophagus from your neck.

Sounds shitty, huh? Don't worry—we still have a few years before the beast is fully operational and things inevitably spin wildly out of control. For now, we can only sit back and watch as scientists at MIT continue to refine their robot cheetah prototype into a soon-to-be killing machine.

This morning, MIT News Office released an article about their robotic cheetah—the "first four-legged robot to run and jump over obstacles autonomously." An accompanying video shows their soulless, godless monster galloping through a gymnasium, effortlessly leaping over barriers. The beast looks silly and harmless now, but that's exactly the kind of thinking that will get you ripped to shreds by its magnesium alloy teeth in a decade or so.

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