Do The Public Like Vice?

Without wanting to bum you out, try to imagine a world without Vice. It’s not a nice world, is it? As grey and quiet as a Christian school assembly. Believe it or not, this is the world some poor souls have to endure every day of the week, so we took our new book to the man and woman in the street, sprayed our good word at them and found out what they made of us. Buy your own copy of The World According To Vice – 350 pages of our favourite articles, interviews and photo stories – now, from our shop.

A SCOTTISH

It tells you where to go to get cheap drugs, does it? [Turns the pages, pausing at “Dickless Wonders“] Ah babygirl, that’s beautiful. I was a proper ned in Edinburgh, you know. When I was 17 I was in a rock’n’roll band and we went to Japan. Made £2m! What do I do now? I’m an actor, a model… Have you got a spare fag? I hope I get a fag for doing this.

LAURENCE AND AMY

Laurence: Blimey, it’s grim. Vice gets my anxiety up.
Amy: Is he smelling it?
No, he is taking some drugs.
Amy: Hmm. They do a lot of heroin in Wales, don’t they?

STEWART

There was a reggae newspaper called Vice, but this is totally different. There are more people suffering in it.

AMIT

Bizarre articles. Was the founder homeless?

MANON

The layout looks a bit formal for Vice. It looks like an encyclopaedia.
You say that, but you’re the one spilling kebab all over our book.
It’s not a kebab, it’s a chicken wrap.
It’s a flatbread filled with meat and slop. A kebab’s a kebab. What’s your name please?
Manon.
Manon a bench eating a kebab?
Very good.

AN OLD MUSLIM GUY

[Leafs through pages for a few seconds] Some of them are horrible, the pictures… I don’t like it. You shouldn’t. You shouldn’t. On day of judgment God asks what you done in this world. You should read the Quran or the Bible, not this. You shouldn’t be doing [jabs finger into book] this. We’re all brothers and sisters.

SOME VICE FANS

I like the cats.

JOHN

This is interesting. I’m gonna talk about this with the guys in the office.

A COUPLE OF SQUARES

What? I really don’t have time to talk to you about it. Goodbye.