Sneezing Powder: Wow! This stuff looks so strong that one sniff could literally blow up the London Underground, killing and maiming tens of innocent bystanders.

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 10/10

Itching Powder: Ooooh, itchy. The tormented gimp on the package looks like he’s in so much despair he’s ready to shit a kidney. Has he got a farm of aggressive red ants doing the conga in his underpants? No, he’s just dabbed on a bit of this amazing itching powder.

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 7/10

The Horror Finger: OMFG, the horror! The sheer, infernal, unadulterated horror of a fat, bloodied finger.

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 9/10

Foaming Sugar: Boy, does this stuff look like a foaming feast! Even the dog’s puking up foam—and you never see them doing that. (Dogs can eat anything but chocolate and it doesn’t have an effect on them.)

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 7/10

Garlic Sweets: On the package, there are toxic fumes emitting from the chops of a clown-like chubster toward a young French lady who looks rather attracted by this weird odor. Is she mad?

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 3/10

Fun Snaps: Kapow! These bad boys look like could they blow your foot apart, like you’d just set off a shoe bomb on a packed passenger jet careering through American air space.

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 9/10

Fake Cigarette: The great thing about these cigs is that you get to look totally cool and not have to deal with lung cancer, clogged arteries, smelling like an ashtray, speaking through an artificial larynx because you’ve had to have the real one removed, and all of the other not so fun stuff that we don’t like to talk about. Great, eh?

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 1,092/10

Stink Bombs: These must be industrial strength, right? With that packaging, they look like something that could have been dropped on a Vietnamese village during the war, melting and burning the skin off terrified children and leaving an aftermath so toxic that generations to come would suffer the effects of mutated genes.

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 1/10.

Fart Gas: What in this crazy world that we live in could possibly be more utterly disgusting than a can filled with farts? The guy on the canister needs to wear a clothespin on his nose because the odor is so bad. That’s how smelly this stuff is.

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 8/10

Big Bang Soap: You know this product must be pretty amazing when the man on the packet is so freaked out by it that he’s paying no attention at all to the fact that a fat, naked, permed woman is perving out over his little todger.

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 26/10

Black Face Soap: Can you imagine anything worse than being late for work because you had to clean this sticky black goo off your face after some cruel but hilarious prankster swapped your regular facial cleanser for this stuff? From the looks of the package, this soap could get people fired from their jobs and that could affect the economy, which in turn could plunge the Western world into poverty. Let’s put it to the test!

Jimmy: Disappointment Factor: 89.67/10