See? It’s not rocket science. Bangs, minimal makeup, revealing top, ass-flattering pants, and then some basic nonsandal staples like high heels, Chucks, or even fucking cowboy boots. If you really love to shop you can buy an expensive bag or something, but making us horny for you costs about sixty bucks total.

Vice

Us Weekly

What is it with these flip-flop guys where they’re so smug and toe proud? They’re like those small-dicked men at the nude beach that want to come over, put a towel down on the chair next to you, and tell you about the giant turtle they saw. Get your disgusting male nudeness out of my face or I’m going to step on it.

Team America World Police

Babylon 5

The New York Times