It is widely known that although Sex and the City is a beloved (including by me!) classic, all of its main characters are evil.
To celebrate the tenth anniversary of the Sex and the City movie this weekend, I revisited the fashionable universe containing bottomless cosmopolitans, enough handsome and eligible bachelors to guarantee a lay every other night, and very few people of color. I rediscovered puns that wormed their way permanently into my memory, absurd comedy gags, and a cast of shallow, entitled characters with no moral compasses. Also, Miranda Hobbes.
Sex and the City centered four characters built on the following archetypes: the Slut, the Prude, the Career Woman, and the Heroine, the New Yorker’s Emily Nussbaum writes—though it’s clear that "heroine" Carrie is more accurately television’s "first female anti-hero." With these limited stereotypes, I couldn't help but wonder: Isn't Career Woman Miranda the only one to aspire to?
To answer that question, I decided to compile some choice moments from each character to remember next time someone asks which Sex and the City character you are:
- Said "I don’t see color, I only see conquests," and then referred to her partner’s "big black cock" in the same episode.
- Dumped a man she loved because his penis was "too small."
- Said stupid things like "I don't believe in the Republican party or the Democratic party. I just believe in parties."
- Committed an actual hate crime against a trans sex worker.
Charlotte York (MacDougal / Goldenblatt)
- Made her future husband wax his back before she’d go public with their relationship, and on multiple occasions berated his looks.
- Constantly judged her friend’s sexual choices even though she basically fucked (more boring and also exclusively white) men at the same rate the others did.
- Is a Republican.
- Is also a racist who refused to eat anything at a five-star resort because "….it’s Mexico!"
- Is objectively the worst.
- Is an awful friend who expected people to loan her money after admittedly cornering herself into debt with her fetish for $400+ shoes.
- Is a terrible writer with bad ethics (remember when she wrote about Roger Sterling’s golden shower fetish even though his behavior really didn’t warrant a public outing that ruined his career?)
- Doesn’t believe in bisexual people and even told one bisexual man to his face that she thinks his identity is "a layover on the way to Gaytown."
- Whined about getting dumped via post-it even though she dumped the bisexual man by leaving a party without saying good bye.
- Is the biggest White Feminist, believing herself to be an empowered girl boss for writing about sex—while simultaneously judging her "best friend" Samantha when she dated a woman.
- Is a white girl who thinks she invented the nameplate necklace.
- Did this weird, disgusting accent in a bizarre combination of appropriation and hate speech, and also called trans sex workers "the up-my-ass players."
- Briefly pretended to be a lesbian to get ahead (at her male-dominated law firm where all of the partners are married and assumed she was gay, so they set her up with a woman!)
- Gets in her own head and snaps at people who care about her (same).
- Wanted to fuck a sandwich (fair).
- Is avidly against anilingus.
Though Miranda has her flaws—the worst of which, in my opinion, is that she's judgmental of ass-eating—she was always portrayed as the show's token cynical bitch. A rewatch of the show and movies has proved that it's definitely a better aspiration than the other characters' frivolous options. Miranda truly had it all: a successful career, a house in Brooklyn, a husband, a baby, and even a dog.
So when people ask you which Sex and the City character you are, think: Are you a Charlotte (a Republican), a Carrie (a terrible friend), a Samantha (someone who hate-crimed a trans woman) or a Miranda (future governor of New York)?