As we get older and the dating world gets scarier, more and more women are shifting the way they approach dating. As I was browsing Reddit this morning, I noticed quite a relatable post, which posed the question: “Single women who are 30+, how have your dating standards changed from your 20s?” 

Here’s what Redditors had to share about dating as a woman in her 30s.

1. They’re Done Pining for a Relationship

“[I] am no longer desperate to be in a relationship. I have witnessed so many bad relationships from people I know, and now, I don’t want to be with a man for the sake of being with one. I want one who makes my quality of life better. I have also made peace with the fact that I might not find such a man and realized my life is good at the moment, and in the grand scheme of things, being alone isn’t such a bad thing. Because of that, I am very intentional in who I date and have set boundaries that I have no intention of breaking.” — u/warundogo

2. They’re Far More Practical and Less Naive

“I’ve become a lot less romantic and a lot more practical. In my 20s, I definitely gave more of an ear to ‘love conquers all’ and the idea of a whirlwind romance … Now, in my 30s, I realized I’m pretty comfortable with being alone. If I consider dating someone, questions [about] whether it’d positively affect my life and family come into play a lot more. I listen to my gut more and pay attention to red flags.” — u/randomtology

3. They’re Seeking Friendship at the Core

“We need to be friends too, not just romantic partners … When you have friendship, you have emotional intimacy. When you have emotional intimacy, you have a deep love and better connection, especially as you get older and physical attraction begins to fade. I’ve found this also makes sex more meaningful and more comfortable, too. A way for us to be closer, not just get off.” — u/Joanna_Flock

4. They’re Raising Their Standards

“30s dating feels like a smaller pool but higher quality. I’m clearer about goals, screen harder, and keep first meets low‑stakes like a coffee or [a] walk. Apps are exhausting, so I value consistency, effort, and communication over butterflies. No pen pals, no last‑minute flakes, and I’m fine being single rather than negotiating basic respect.” — u/Ok_Map_31

5. They’re Prioritizing Peace Over Games

“I know what it’s like to be at peace and only worry about myself. If I’m starting to talk or see someone, and I find that peace to be disrupted, then it’s not worth it. I don’t want guessing games. I want clear communication. No sitting wondering or being anxious.” — u/_imdoingmybest

6. They Actually Value Kindness

“Before I met my husband, I made kindness a priority. While I always found him physically very attractive, that was the icing on the cake, and not the cake itself. The cake is kindness. I think the reason I have a very happy marriage is that we are unfailingly kind to each other.” — u/splattermatters

7. They’re Walking Away at the First Sign of Disrespect

“I’m a gay woman, and for me at 31, I’m just now waking up. I’m realizing I’ve been treated like absolute s**t by women I’ve been involved with for the most part … Now, no matter how much I may like the girl, if I’m not respected, I’m more willing to walk away. No mind games, no insults, no silent treatments—I told myself if a woman does this, especially early on, I have to stand up for myself. I have a hard time standing up to women, I just do. I’m getting better, though.” — u/Personal_Dust_7776