A good cover can prove a band’s good taste, convert new fans, align a new group with past masters, and maintain a group’s relevance within the march of musical progress. A bad cover sounds like a wet fart.

The first Pixies song I ever heard was Alec Eiffel, performed by the Get Up Kids. I dunno if that makes me really young or really old, but soon thereafter I learned about the song’s origins and abandoned GUK for the Pixies, who remain my favorite band. The Kids’ version of Alec Eiffel is pretty damn good though—sticking closely to the original composition, sped up a bit, siphoned through extra-crunchy emo-pop hum buckers, and accented with gloopy MOOG tones. As cover songs go it was a good choice, and so well suited to the Kids’ abilities that it sounds easy.

The other night I got deep into a YouTube k-hole, digging through shitty covers of another well-known Pixies jam, “Gigantic.” Here’s are the most hilarious ones I found.

Surfer Blood, feat. Sarah Baldwin

Here’s Surfer Blood committing perhaps the least offensive sin in shitty covers: impersonation. There’s nothing particularly off about this cover, and that’s the problem. Surfer Blood tries to stick so closely to the original that you can only hear their mistakes. They forgo the piano keys because they don’t have one, and guest singer Sarah Baldwin channels Kim Deal too clearly. Also, check singer John Paul Pitts’ falsetto backups over Baldwin in the chorus—embarrassing.

Ok Go

Ugh, this track is basically unlistenable. Why did they slow it down so much? I feel like I’m on some bad opiate mix and somebody is drowning my favorite band. Basically they just felt compelled to Ok-Go-For-It and fuck them for that.

Reel Big Fish

I didn’t think it could get worse than Ok Go. But it can. The irreverence of this cover is straight up disrespectful. All the wacky little embellishments and inhuman vocal effects, the over-caffeinated beat, it’s like Reel Big Fish weren’t taking their Ritalin. If there are any Reel Big Fish fans out there reading this please explain to me if there is any actual appeal in this recording whatsoever. I feel like Reel Big Fish don’t even like the Pixies.

The Tighty Whities

Look at these fucking scenester teenage douchebags. Their bassist in the Superman shirt must be playing with a kryptonite pick or something. They also apparently fail at wearing shoes.

Kind Monitor

I don’t know what Kind Monitor is trying to prove here. Maybe something about voyeurism and female subordination, which is a really fucked up spin to put on a track originally fronted by one of the baddest women in rock. This guy here puts so much musk on this remake it’s almost like he’s trying to obliterate the original from existence.

Kata

The only cover I found that I actually wanted to replay was by Kata, who made a few smart decisions: the girl seeks the intimate element in the original and elevates it with acoustic instrumentation. She dodges the perils of impersonation in her choice of accompaniment, opting for a plinky thumb piano layered over some sitar-esque feedback. Then she really sells it in the restraint in her voice, nearly jumping out of her skin and stomping her feet, but never getting out of her seat. It’s the only cover that I could find with a soul, and the only one I’d recommend watching.

Here are a few more I found—hit me up in the comments if you know any other terrible (or excellent!) covers.

Belle & Sebastian

Pseudocrack

Nikki Awesome

The Awkward Silence

@jshmsh