Can Your Partner Pass the Bird Test?

If you’ve ever pointed out a bird, an outfit in a window, or a weird-looking cloud to someone you’re dating and they completely ignored you—surprise, you’ve already taken the “bird test.”

This now-viral relationship check-in, aka the “bird test,” blew up on TikTok in late October when creator @alyssacardib shared a story about how she once pointed out a woodpecker to someone she’d just started getting to know. It could’ve been one of those forgettable moments—but instead, they ended up talking about the bird for ten minutes. That moment stuck. Years later, they’re still close.

The “bird test” isn’t really about birds, of course. It’s about bids for connection—the tiny, throwaway comments we all make in the hopes someone we care about will notice us. Maybe it’s pointing out a dog in a sweater or simply mentioning something you see while walking down the street. The real test is whether the other person turns toward you with curiosity and warmth, or away with indifference.

If Your Partner Can’t Pass the Bird Test, They May Not Be for You

Psychologist John Gottman, Ph.D., co-founder of the Gottman Institute, has studied this behavior in romantic couples for decades. In one long-term study of newlyweds, he found that couples who stayed together turned toward each other’s bids for attention 86% of the time. The couples who divorced? Only 33%.

The numbers might sound extreme, but the takeaway is simple: being seen and acknowledged—especially during the small moments—really matters. One unnoticed squirrel sighting or unanswered “look at the sky” may not feel like a big deal, but over time, those tiny misses can add up to something major.

Gottman’s “magic” five-to-one ratio is the secret sauce for a healthy and positive relationship. For every one negative interaction, a stable relationship needs five positive ones. Our brains are wired to remember slights more strongly than compliments. One ignored bird can cancel out a week’s worth of thoughtful gestures.

And this isn’t just a romantic issue. Gottman has said that the same ratio applies in friendships, family dynamics, and even professional relationships. If your co-founder or colleague constantly shrugs off your excitement or observations, it could erode the connection just as much.

Want to keep your relationships strong? Don’t underestimate the power of paying attention. The next time someone says, “Hey, look at that weird cloud,” stop and look up. You don’t have to care about the cloud, the bird, the random thing—but you should care that they do.