Chaos Swap

Hey, you know those totally addictive spouse swapping shows? Did you ever wonder what would happen if, they used totally hot twenty-something-year-olds? Well, wonder no more. For five days we had our friends Erin, 21, and Jessica, 23, switch places. Erin has been in a relationship with Taylor for over three years, and Jessica has been in a relationship with Mitchell for a year and a half. The point is, we gave these lucky ladies the opportunity to pack up their bags and shake up their love lives a little bit.

Here’s the catch, Mitchell is a 21-year-old McGill University student with a soft spot for classical guitar, ultimate Frisbee, and Marxist politics. In other words, a total sweetheart but kind of a sissy. Taylor is a 24-year-old skater with a soft spot for partying hard and thrashing around to 80’s hardcore. Geddit? They’re totally opposite! We figured switching their girlfriends up would give us some insight into what girls find attractive about each type, and ultimately, if one’s better suited for the role of a “keeper” and the other for being a “friend with benefits” kind of guy. Here’s what they said.

Erin

So what was your first impression of Mitchell’s place?

Well, he alphabetically organizes his bookshelf. That is totally insane to me. But I don’t know, maybe sort of awesome too?

How did you feel about living there?

I was afraid to touch anything! It felt like I was always committing a faux pas, or like I was in kindergarten or something-like I was supposed to have a cubby. He also has these weird night-light sockets that make his place smell like old ladies.

What was the most memorable thing that happened?

Mitchell lectured me about non-stick pots when I touched his frying pan with a metal fork.  Then he told me that he used to lock up his pots and pans in a cabinet when he lived with his first roommates. Also, this literally took him half an hour to explain to me. Afterwards he apologized for being such a tight-ass, but the damage was already done.

What is your fondest experience from this week?

Uh, well I really like Mitchell’s taste in movies. He had one of his friends come over and we all watched Million Dollar Baby together. And they knew all of the lines too. Even that super sad ending.

What was the most awkward moment?

Okay, I’m pretty sure I heard him, y’know… in the bathroom before he went to work. I heard like heavy breathing and a weird slapping noise. I was like ‘there seriously better be porn hidden in those magazines.’ At the same time, part of me felt super reassured that he wasn’t as repressive as I thought.

How about Mitchell’s culinary skills, did he show off for you?

Yes! He made lasagna from scratch. He even made a salad. It was so adorable. I honestly haven’t eaten this good since I last visited my parents.

How about bedtime? Let’s hear it.

[Laughs] Mitchell was so awkward. You could tell he felt weird about going to sleep IN THE SAME HOUSE with another girl. He let me sleep in his bed while he slept on the couch, but I really wanted to get the most out of this experience! So by the third night I had convinced him to join me.

How did you convince him?

I was just like, “It’s part of the rules! Follow the rules of the assignment!”

Was it hard to be away from Taylor?

Nah, it was just hard to be with Mitchell. Well not hard, just like… pretty weird and boring.

Did this experience make you feel differently towards Taylor?

It made me appreciate him way more than I thought it would. Taylor is really easy-going and entertaining, and I never have to worry about how I behave when I’m around him.

Do you think you could ever date a guy like Mitchell?

I think I could, maybe if I was going through a really weird phase in my life. And maybe if I like, wanted to be sad all of the time.

Jessica

What did you think of Taylor’s apartment?

I actually thought that he had purposely made his house look like shit just to freak me out. But within five minutes I realized that only time could… do that. 

How did this weekend make you feel?

It made me feel like a mother! It scares me, because I totally didn’t see myself as that type of person before. I made his bed and cleaned up random shit all over the place. Like he doesn’t pick up anything behind him at all; if he blows his nose, he just leaves the tissue behind, and he never flushes, which was super weird because I could tell that he didn’t use toilet paper every time.

How were your sleeping arrangements?

The first night sucked. I just wanted to leave and come back the next day. Not even because I was like weirded out by the situation, just because I didn’t want to lie on his couch or his bed, and definitely not his floor. I was getting these horrible visions of waking up in the middle of the night with bed bugs. He made me feel a lot better about it though.

How?

He brought it up. He was just like “I know you probably don’t want to sleep here, but I’m not that bad, I promise.” And he started making jokes about it. He can actually be really charming sometimes.

Describe your Saturday night.

Oh god. Taylor had his “crew” come over. There was fresh broken glass on the floor within ten minutes of them being there, I don’t even know how that happened. One guy walked into the place with blood all over his lips and teeth then I saw him making out with this girl. It was so gross.

What did you eat while you were there?

I just went out and bought take-out food by myself. The only thing I saw Taylor make was popcorn on the stovetop and once he made microwaveable Swedish meatballs. On Saturday, I don’t know what happened, but these two guys just started viciously fighting and like throwing handfuls of old popcorn at each other. Then they just started hugging and laughing.

Was there anything that made you uncomfortable?

Well pretty much whenever I went to the bathroom, I had to pee with all of my foot pressed up against the door because someone would purposely be trying to walk in on me, as a joke. One time there was a guy behind the shower curtain ready to scare me, and I had to tell him to leave.

Did you have fun at all?

Yeah, actually I’ll admit it was a lot of fun. I got pretty drunk and I just remember being surrounded by like five Spanish-speaking men all at once. The one good thing is Taylor knows a lot of gorgeous dudes.

So what do you like about Mitchell?

Mitchell makes me feel safe, and I know that I can trust him with (laughs) my belongings, in general.  

Would you ever date a Taylor-type?

No. There’s no way. I’d probably have sex with one though.  

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