MARINE-TALK: AN A-Z GUIDE

There are few things that stir up the old boyhood obsession with war like all the technical minutiae and jargon of the military. With all the abbreviations and abbreviations of abbreviations and weird rank protocols and crazy helicopter parts, it’s almost enough to push the possibility of spending your last nano-second of consciousness watching a piece of shrapnel exit your chest out of mind and make a bee-line to the local recruiter’s office.

We’ve come to terms with the fact that we’re too big of pussies(/lovers) to deal with the whole sudden-horrible-death aspect of service. But we still wanted in on all the crazy talk, so we asked one of our pals from the Marines to lay it all out for us. Here’s what he gave us…

“The Marine Corps presents itself as an elite military branch and, most importantly, as a brotherhood—a fraternity with weapons. Even if you don’t buy into the whole “brotherhood” aspect, you’ll still find Marines have their own way of saying things.

ALPHAS – Alphas are the most “high maintenance” service uniform in the Corps. All Marines are issued Alphas and they are the easiest to fuck up during uniform inspections. It’s supposed to be the uniform that gives the best first impression since you will know if a Marine’s a bag of ass right away.

Honorable mentions: “As you were”

BLUE FALCONS – The term “blue falcon” is just another way of saying “buddy fucker”—they have the same abbreviation. Buddy fuckers are the ones (and there’s always at least ONE) who do something stupid that gets the rest of the Marines in trouble. “Communal” punishment is a common practice in the Corps.

Honorable mentions: Boot, boots and uts, the brig

CORPSMAN – The Marines have had a special relationship with the Navy since their founding. There are no “Marine medics.” We have Corpsmen. They are sailors who mirror the role of medics in the Army. Every Marine unit has a team of Corpsmen who are called “docs.”

 Honorable mentions: Check out, chevrons, chow, cadence, CO

DRILL INSTRUCTOR – Marines do not have “drill sergeants” in boot camp. Drill Instructors are the ones who make every Marine’s life a living hell for three months. Every Marine will remember his or her DI. They are the ones to thank for forcing each Marine to earn that title and are, without a doubt, the funniest people on the planet.

Honorable mentions: Devil Dog, dress blues, double time

ESPRIT DE CORPS – The Marine Corps is known for its esprit de corps, which is a gay French way of saying “high morale.” I guess just having the title of Marine is a major motivator (“moto” in Corpspeak) since we’ve got such a great warrior reputation. While it’s true we have the highest standards of the armed forces, you’ll be surprised to know that these same high standards can seem a little too overbearing for some Marines. But as the saying goes, “The beatings will continue until morale improves.”

FIELD DAY – Field day means it’s time to clean the shit out of a room. The more specific term for when you check the floor (“deck”) for stray trash is “police call.” If you wind up becoming a Marine, you’ll be doing a lot of this. In fact, I think that’s 60 percent of what I’ve done in the fucking Corps, just fucking field-daying everything.

Honorable mentions: The fleet, fire team

GRUNT-PROOF – This term is used for tasks broken down Barney-style—something so ridiculously easy “a grunt can do it.” It’s a back-handed term that insults the intelligence of a Marine with an infantry MOS (Military Occupation Specialty) since people with little technical skill or intelligence generally end up with this assignment. I can tell you, however, Marines who enter the infantry must have some sharp common sense or they WILL learn it by any means necessary.

Honorable mentions: “Get some,” gangway, gung ho, gunny, green machine, “good to go”

HADJI – In WWII we called the enemy “japs.” In Korea and Vietnam we called them “gooks.” In this new “Global War Against Terror” we also have a new term for the enemy of a certain race. You guessed it: Hadji. The term originates from Muslims who made a pilgrimage to Mecca, the Islamic holy city, but I don’t think most Marines know that shit. They do know Johnny Quest.

Honorable mentions: The head, humps, “hurry up and wait”

IWO JIMA – I think every American has seen the picture of Marines raising the flag on Iwo Jima. It is the most reproduced photograph of all time. The Battle of Iwo Jima took the lives of thousands and gave the Marines the elite reputation they earned through blood. There is no glory in war but the Joe Rosenthal picture came close.

Honorable mentions: IRR (inactive ready reserve)

JARHEAD – I don’t understand or comprehend how the word is reportedly used by Marines as a term of endearment. Let me tell you something, if I called a corporal or a sergeant above me a fucking “jarhead” he would probably punch me in the throat. The term originated with sailors who wanted a good word to make fun of us since we call them “squids.” They got it from our blue uniform’s standing collar and our white barracks cover (aka “hat) which, along with our “high and tight” haircuts, make our heads resemble mason jars. Since a jar is usually empty, you can well imagine why the term jarhead is used as an insult.

KNOWLEDGE – As a Marine will always be tested by other Marines above you in “knowledge”: knowledge of Marine Corps history, knowledge of terms, fundamentals of your MOS, or weapons–just to show the other Marines how “into” the Corps you are.

LANCE COOLEY – A preferred term for a Lance Corporal, used by anyone above the rank. Lance Corporal is the first rank directly below the NCO (non-commissioned officer) rank of Corporal. The NCO can officially tell Marines below them what to do. Since NCOs are the backbone of the Corps, Lance Cooleys and below are its hands and feet.

Honorable mentions: Liberty, leave, LAVs

MARINE CORPS BALL – The Marine Corps Ball is an overpriced prom thrown by Marines to celebrate the birthday of the Marine Corps, which is November 10, 1775. Marines walk around and tell each other “happy birthday” on that day. They throw a ball and it’s just an excuse for Marines to get in their dress blues (the sexiest uniform ever), get hammered, and get laid.

Honorable mentions: MOS, MREs

NON JUDICIAL PUNISHMENT – This is disciplinary action for something not reprehensible enough for a court martial. It’s an official document that can dock pay or demote rank. This is a standard practice under the Uniform Code of Military Justice.

Honorable mentions: NCO

OORAH – This is the motivational war call for Marines. People should remember it because we hate when people say “hooah” to us as if we are in the Army. We are not soldiers—we are Marines. Get it right. Saying “oorah” is our thing, but I personally don’t overuse the damn phrase like some Marines. I only say that shit if we get early liberty or hot chow in the field.

POG – This stands for “personnel other than grunt” and is pronounced “pogue” (like that potato-chewing punk band). It’s a derogatory term for non-infantry Marines who have cushy desk jobs. Even though “every Marine is a rifleman,” grunts take pride in their specialized close combat jobs and dangerous war missions.

Honorable mentions: PT, PX, PFT

QUANTICO – The Marine base in Quantico, Virginia, is the “crossroads of the Marine Corps” and every Marine officer graduates from here. Everything the president needs to know about the Corps is sent and communicated through Quantico.

RESERVIST – These guys work (“drill”) one weekend a month and two full weeks a year. Reservists are called “weekend warriors” out of disdain (and envy) because active-duty Marines work and train consistently throughout the year. However, reservists can be “activated” (deployed) at any time and become just like any other Marine in war. Reserve life isn’t as great as active-duty Marines think. It’s pretty hard to balance the civilian life of work and school while perpetually facing the possibility of dropping everything for deployment to Iraq.

SHIT – Depending on who you are it’s “the shit” or just plain “shit.” This is a term for the action of battle. Combat. You know, when a Marine “gets some.” Every Marine is a rifleman so even a POG like me can be out in the shit and get shot at and blown up if called on.

Honorable mentions: Stand by, secure, the sandbox (Iraq/Afghanistan), Semper Fidelis, sick call

TURN TO – It’s an old Navy expression for saying, “All right, start doing what I just told you to do.”

UNAUTHORIZED ABSENCE – The Marine Corps is all about accountability, and if you’re not somewhere you’re supposed to be by orders of the commanding officer expect to get NJPed. A lot of Marines get in trouble for this shit.

VOLUNTOLD – This is what we call it when you’re told to do some job or task that probably involves manual labor. This is because, technically, you’re a “volunteer” who willingly does everything you’re told like cleaning the head (bathroom) or going out on patrols with grunts.

WATCH – As a Lance Cooley and below, expect to do a lot of “watch” in the Corps. It’s sentry duty, where you walk, stand, or sit at your post (depending whatever type of watch it is), wait for something to happen, and report it to a higher up if it’s something crazy. There’s fire watch, road watch, phone watch, and whatever kind of bullshit watch you can imagine that will deprive a Marine of their free time and sleep depending on what time you get stuck with duty.

XEROX – Unfortunately, there is a bureaucracy to my beloved Marine Corps (like all government institutions) and there’s a lot of paper work involved. When it comes to your personal records and keeping accountability of everything it has to go down on paper. Expect to kill a lot of trees and do a lot of copying.

YOO-HOO – When a Marine says to you, “Hello there, yoo-hoo,” expect to be corrected for doing something stupid and/or get ready to be “voluntold” for something.

ZERO – Once you enter the military, get used to saying this word a lot. Any time before 10 in the morning will be considered “zero-something-something” and Marines usually have to get up before that time. There are also a lot of numbered codes and serial numbers to say and write down. Every other number, if not the first, will be zero.

LANCE CORPORAL K

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