Ted Cruz Got Freaky With 100 Cans of Soup After His Honeymoon

There are few things that ooze animalistic sexual dynamism quite like condensed cream of mushroom soup lustily slurped off the fevered bodies of two conservative newlyweds.
April 14, 2016, 9:00pm
Photo via Flickr user kevinmarsh

There are few things that ooze animalistic sexual dynamism quite like condensed cream of mushroom soup lustily slurped off the fevered bodies of two conservative newlyweds.

We're pretty sure Heidi Cruz—the wife of Republican presidential candidate and Grandpa Munster lookalike Ted Cruz—is painfully well aware of these important facts about sex and marriage.

During a town hall last night moderated by Anderson Cooper, Cruz and his wife Heidi took us all back to the early days of their marriage. We didn't hear any salacious stories of their first night in bed, but we did hear a lot of about Campbell's Chunky soup. And it was pretty damn fascinating.

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Heidi Cruz: When we got back from our honeymoon, he bought 100 cans of soup https://t.co/nhK4sm6wYa #CruzFamily https://t.co/eNzJE5rhrX

— CNN Politics (@CNNPolitics)

April 14, 2016

Heidi Cruz explained that when she and Ted returned from their honeymoon, she sent him off to the supermarket to pick up a few items. She says, "I was completely shocked to see that he arrived back at our apartment with literally 100 cans of Campbell's Chunky soup."

Seriously.

READ MORE: Ted Cruz Hates Avocados, Loves Canned Soup and Cheese

"You don't buy 100 of anything, much less canned soup. We can't do this. I'll be making things," Heidi exclaimed.

But the conservative Princeton grad thought he knew better: "No, I know you," he told Heidi. "You won't be making things."

Still convinced that there was just something wrong with having 100 cans of soup in one's pantry, Heidi took action and returned every single can to the supermarket. But like many a nervous newlywed, she called her mother for reassurance.

READ MORE: Ted Cruz Says Gluten-Free Food Is Too PC for the Military

Mom "emphatically disagreed" with Heidi and reminded her that she was no cook: "Since you probably won't cook a lot for him, you should probably let the man eat his dinner."

Heidi and Ted then came to terms. When he opened the pantry the next day, Heidi was contrite. She told him that she would "go back and buy those cans again." And so she did. Talk about a romance for the ages.

Of course, this isn't the first time we've heard of Cruz's crippling love for the canned stuff. The junior senator and presidential hopeful previously dismayed many with the following revelation: "When I'm away from the family, in Washington, D.C., my dinner is a can of soup. I have dozens in the pantry."

Keep on slurpin', Ted. Just promise us you'll make sure the kids are asleep when you get the urge.