Elisa says her partner is sexually attracted to her, but does not have a high libido—though Elisa says he understands that she is willing to have sex with him for the purpose of making him happy, he rarely requests it. “When we are not trying to conceive, I'd say sex occurs once every three months or so,” she says. “I am not sexually attracted to him at all, though I love him dearly and I love building a life together with him.”Elisa says the fact that she occasionally has sex can lead to misunderstandings about her sexuality from others. “A lot of conversation sounds like, ‘If a person does X, then they're not really asexual,’” she says. Elisa believes that the only thing that actually matters in determining whether a person is ace is whether they identify themselves that way.
"Our marriage is very happy and healthy, and sex is a small part of it."
Joey says that if someone wants more than what he can offer, then it’s not someone for him: “I try to find out about the person and their sexual desires prior to getting close with them.” His lasting relationships tended not to focus on the physical parts of sex, but on considering each other's particular sexual needs and experiences. “I’d often do what I could to please them, and the fact that I was doing something they enjoyed so much made me enjoy it too. If there was sex, it tended to focus on their experience. I’ve also been with someone who didn’t need sex either, and so, if we did have sex, it was extremely rare, but still meaningful.”Angelica says that society needs to do away with the assumption that sex is a universal need in order to enjoy intimacy and close relationships—or even sex itself. Angelica continues, “There are many asexual people who enjoy and actively seek out sex,”she says. “Acknowledging and discussing variations is an important part of understanding asexuality.”