Remember skinny jeans? How about cereal-themed cafes, cutesters, the band “Animal Collective”, or hundreds of people growing beards and getting themselves sailor-style tattoos, only to regret them all two years later?
If any of these early 2010s references ring a bell, then you’ve lived through the hipster-fuelled millennial years. Through the birth of nu-rave, The OC (we still hate you Kevin Volchok!!!!) and a time before 100 gecs.
So, how do we go about moving into the future? By ridding the world of its past sins, of course!
I’m in my early twenties, so I’ve seen millennial culture’s dramatic rise (Kanye West’s 2010-2013 run; streaming apps) and fall (people just won’t stop complaining about everything!). In light of this, if we’re to move firmly into the future, here are the millennial hang-ups that still need to disappear:
The Word ‘Booty’
Note to millennials: This creates an acute sense of uncomfortableness.
‘Mate I cannot believe the Glasto got cancelled! Me and the lads always go and it’s fucking loose. Unreal music, man.’ – Guy who spent 70 percent of his time and money there at the craft beer bar or at yoga.
Taking Coke in Restaurants
One thing about restaurants is they’re made for eating food in. So why kill any hunger you could ever have by sneaking to the toilets every five minutes? Also, we’re trying to eat over here – so stop shouting!!!
‘Made In Chelsea’
What was once the jewel in E4’s crown – filled with friend-cest, drink throwing and posh people bitching about each other – has now become a lazy hybrid of ex-Love Islanders, younger siblings and pretty much any attractive rah with the name Digby, Kitty or Hugo in the south of England.
The original, millennial-age cast are all grown up and getting married, promoting their new alcohol-free drinks rage or £300 vibrator collab. Even Jamie Laing has finally let go of the show. Millennials, and E4, please follow.
Love the films, but anyone with “Potterhead” in their bio… wyd (AKA what are you doing)? You’re not “a true Slytherin” – you’re just someone who becomes a little bit mean after downing half a Chardonnay down the pub.
Please stop pretending that your amateur crypto portfolio means that you can relate to him. He is a multi-billionaire who doesn’t know that you exist.
The economy has tanked, buying a house is near impossible and getting a job involves selling any joy you have left to a corporate demon. Great! Thank you very much – this sucks! But why moan about it? We’re still trying to resist – all complaining rights are revoked until you join the revolution!
Nobody wants to be communicated to via the medium of Kermit the Frog putting sunglasses on, captioned #DEALWITHIT. Babes, just give me a call.
These are the Ugg Boots of the jewellery world, but without the redeeming quality of being cosy. Gen Z would not be caught dead in this shade.
There is a special palace in hell for those who repost memes to their Instagram stories with the laughing crying emoji. Instead, please welcome the birth of shit posting AKA the better, newer side of the internet.
Gone are the days of searching your name for an ego boost and realising you’re defined as “beautiful person inside and out. Often random and rowdy but you can’t help but love her anyway.” (Thanks Urban Dictionary, you are so right!)
You’ve been alive long enough to know what lit, fuckboy, dab and woke means. Perhaps now you’re a real adult you don’t need to know what Alligator Fuckhouse, Cold Lunch, Duck Butter or Waffle Stomp means…
‘Only 90s Kids Remember’
Millennials love looking back into the past with misty-eyed, Beanie-baby-tinged reflection. Have we not remembered the 90s enough by now?
These don’t scream edgy, hip, cool or sexy. They now scream guy-who-calls-himself-a-feminist-but-listens-to-Joe Rogan’s-podcast-and-mansplains-what-a-“real”-flat-white-is. C’mon broooooooooooooooo.
Any planner found with the words “professional procrastinator” or Disney stationary will be burnt under Gen Z’s reign.
Sike. I won’t allow this item to take up any more space on the internet.