LinkedIn is a website where, basically, you hawk yourself and your skills in a never ending attempt to jump from a job you hate to one you might not hate as much before you ending up hating that job and jumping to another that might not be as bad.
DJing, lest we forget, is a job too. Sure, the perks — the global travel opportunities, the free booze, the nights beyond belief that bleed into days beyond compare — are better than most of us experience — if we're lucky we might get a free chocolate bar from a client as a thank you choosing them as the official in-office toilet roll supplier — but it's still a job.
So it's not surprising then, really, when you think about it, that all your favorite DJs have LinkedIn accounts. Wait. Spinback. All your favorite DJs are just like you and your friends with shitty office jobs you all promised would tide you over for the first year out of college even though you're now all rapidly approaching 30 and life is, to all intents and purposes, over, and they all have LinkedIn too? Yes. Yes they are and yes they do. For some reason, some of the most internationally renowned names in electronic music share a business networking site with your buddy from school who now sells conference telephone solutions. Is this just another way of increasing their social media presence? Or are clubs like Space and Fabric now making bookings based on how many people have endorsed a DJs photoshop skills?
Well, in the name of Proper Journalism, and in an effort to work out what was going on, we had a root around some profiles to try and work out if we'd hire them as a result.
Absolutely. Firstly, EZ has a CV featuring qualifications that range from the epic — "The future is garage, the DJ is EZ" — to the witty — "Like his favourite football team Tottenham Hotspurs, he's in the premier league." Then secondly, he also has an incredible 45 skills to his name. As you'd expect, there's DJing and music production, but intriguingly he has also been endorsed 13 times for his skills in Customer Service. This is a shrewd move for any Linkedin user, at least EZ can be sure that if the offers dry up in the world of garage, there will be a place waiting for him, dealing with client complaints in a laminate flooring company somewhere.
Probably not. Your profile is just a photo of you on a motorbike Carl. Sort it out, this isn't tinder.
Possibly. Ellen comes across as quite modest for someone who runs one of the biggest techno labels in the world and DJs to hundreds of thousands across the globe year on year, not forgetting to mention that alongside that, she is also a t-shirt designer. The thing is, everyone likes t-shirts, but not everyone likes techno, and the key to any workplace in this day and age is keeping things harmonious. If she keeps her head down and doesn't design any techno t-shirts, she might have a future with the company. Worth getting down for an interview at least, but one of the candidates we probably won't bother getting in touch with afterwards despite our repeated claims that we'd do exactly the opposite.
You know what. Sometimes, a personal touch makes all the difference, and in the case of Derrick May that is definitely case. Unlike any of the other DJs on the list, Derrick actually refers to himself in the first person. None of that, "Derrick May is an esteemed entertainer and consummate professional". No. Instead he explains his job simply as "trying to save the world from bad music". Humble yet ambitious, we're impressed. He also lists his education as an eight year stint at the University of Hard Knocks which, despite being the sort of thing your mate's mum's new boyfriend says to you at a barbecue, actually sounds pretty good coming from a Detroit techno legend.
Definitely. Todd's been doing this shit — owning INHOUSE RECORDS INC — for 29 years and two months now, and we'd like to think that this shows commitment and dedication to his chosen career path rather than being emblematic of a stagnant personality belonging to someone who's never given enough of a fuck to truly push on in the world of work. He's edging towards pensioning off, which might be a slight issue, but you've seen how well it works when Asda get old blokes to wear the 'Happy to Help" badges near the tobacco counter, haven't you? Everyone loves them. Todd, mate, you OK to get the trolleys sorted? Yeah? Cheers, pal. Yeah, your winter coat should be arriving soon, sorry for the delay. I know it's freezing out, but you're only on a temporary Christmas contract so you've just got to wait and see about that coat. Sorry mate, you know how it goes, only following orders.
Employable: Based on just how astonishingly detailed his LinkedIn profile is, it's a yes from us. He's smashed it on the previous experience front (Radio 1 DJ and author of a published e-book? Get him in!). He's stuffed his page with videos, giving it the air of Bebo-meets-Monster.co.uk, which is always a good thing. He's also listed a few of his favorite causes of concern, which really impresses us because we very much view ours as a holistic workplace, attuning ourselves acutely to the needs and interests of each employee on a case-by-case business.
Right, no, actually, because if there's one thing we hate here, it's lying, and you, sir, have tricked people into thinking that you're everyone's favourite curmudgeonly New York based DJ and producer Willie Burns, when actually you're just "William Burns" whoever the fuck that is, and no, we don't particularly care that you're a director of a "Top Music Agency / Top DJ Agency" frankly, and…actually, please, leave now, this isn't right, just go, thank you.
Maybe. Pete's application certainly isn't lacking in the previous employers department, boasting jobs with the BBC, London Records, and Warner Music. Yet his profile is distinctly lacking a personal statement, or any skills. So sadly, with no information or references to indicate otherwise, as a prospective employer we can only assume that each of these jobs have ended because something has gone…Pete…Tong. Sorry.