“We started with salmon blinis and cheese crackers, then had a big chicken – the turkeys had sold out."
It's starting to look increasingly unlikely that many of us will be going home for Christmas this year. So what in fresh hell should we do instead?
Warning: contains inflammatory opinions about bread sauce.
Turkey, yes. Sprouts, yes. Roast potatoes, yes. Yorkshire puddings?
Maybe it's time to start some holiday traditions of your own.
There’s something comfortingly British about bread sauce. Not only is it exclusive to the UK, but its bland meh-ness seems core to our culinary tradition.
One of the most iconic Christmas food scenes in British sitcom history.
Why settle for dry turkey and fruitcake when you can eat West African groundnut turkey stew and Fergus Henderson's baked apples with mincemeat?
"Six sprouts = ONE portion."
Including mince pies, also battered.
“Write a list of everything you plan to cook on Christmas Day,” advises Nigella Lawson, TV chef and unrivalled domestic goddess. “Then go away, drink a cup of tea, and strike out about half the dishes you’d planned.”