Boring Punks Fuck Off

Photo by Jonnie Craig


Punk gigs have got kind of depressing. You either end up at overly serious beatdown shows where goons in flat caps try and clothes-line you before you get in the door or no one turns up at all and the only people that do are there to get tour-only split seven inches in eight different colours. Brutal Knights are like a good times shot in the arm to all the harbingers of doom at shows who talk shit on Vice because they think we’re “trying to make hardcore cool” when we were releasing compilations of the best of Bradford 1 in 12 Club scene 15 fucking years ago.

Last time they played London they turned up about ten minutes before they were due to play and blasted through 20 songs in 15 minutes ending up in lager stewed heap on the floor. It was perfect. Their guitarist is also called Katie G Warrior. If you get that reference you are as cool as she is.

Vice: Your album is called Feast Of Shame. What is a “feast of shame”? It sounds pretty scary to me.

Nick Flannagan (vocals): You don’t need to be scared, you can embrace it. Fear does not live in the Feast of Shame.

John Power (drums): A real Feast of Shame should involve an area where you can urinate publicly. Maybe on other people, but if there is a urinal just by the bar that would be OK. The drinking and the excreting can’t be separated, that is where the shame comes in. I am yet to find a bar with a urinal right there. One day, though.

Matt Carrol (bass): Last night in Edinburgh Nick found a cheesecake in the middle of the show and got pretty naked and turned himself into this horrible beery cheesecake juice soup. That was pretty shameful. Especially when we all tried to get into this gay bar afterwards to go dancing.

What was the concept behind the “Extreme Lifestyles” series of records?

Nick: “Extreme Lifestyles” was a product of a whole bunch of stuff that happened in the 90s: the X Games, the glorification of ESPN, steroid spoon-fed wrestlers and the whole fuelled-by-Red Bull thing. Extreme Lifestyles is essentially Red Bull Music. Energy drink music. Dog the Bounty Hunter and Arnold Schwarzenegger music. Just really over-the-top strong man competition theme tunes. Initially it was a spoken word thing but it works well with music. I guess the ultimate music to set it to would be nu-metal but we don’t know how to play that.

How has coming to Europe for the first time been? If I was playing a show in Guildford I would be terrified.

John: It’s been pretty good. Our driver’s German and he’s furnished us with some intense porn. We were totally ready for the worst though.

Nick: Yeah, the bratwurst.

For a stand-up comedian that was one of the worst jokes I have ever heard. It’s Friday night; tell me a joke that will get me laid.

Nick: Okay. I am a Jewish guy so I love sleeping with beautiful Jewish women. The only problem is that my dick is shaped like a swastika.

That won’t get me laid.

Nick: You just gotta freestyle. That’s my only advice with the ladies. Freestyle like the RZA.

JIM McKNICKKNACK
Brutal Knights’ second LP Feast of Shame is available now on Deranged Records. myspace.com/brutalknights