Golbe wouldn’t fuck the phone and he wouldn’t let us show you our iChat conversations about it. Also, he lost his temper. Und so: We win.

But that doesn’t mean the fun has to be over, right? We just need a new Golbe to pass on the fedora is all. Apply by sending an email to editorial@viceland.com–please include a photo and try to keep it under 100 words to make our job a little easier.

We pledge two things to you, the reader:

1) We’ll only take ideas from the comments page.
2) The column will be open to all of our unpaid and unbroken staff members.

Thanks for reading.

Also, we’re going to each take turns fucking the phone when it gets
back. It’s a matter of honor.