CRACK CANDY
BODY CUTTER

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BIRKENSTOCK ROLLER SKATES
Freaking everyone out by putting on a Japanese puke porn DVD is fucking juvenile. You’re a grown-up now, so slide out into the living room in these puppies and casually ask if anyone needs another beer. It gives people such a visceral feeling of pure nausea you feel like human Ipecac.
This month’s winner: COCAINE
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A Canadian boreal forest. Photo: ED JONESED JONES/AFP via Getty Images