Dear Vice,
If you can laugh at perfumed toilet paper, what about this green apple scented disposable toilet floor mat? It’s an open admission to the world that you’re a sloppy bastard who pees on the floor every time you take a piss. I’m all for useless inventions, but how embarrassing is this? Seriously, it’s the human equivalent of a cat litter box. And green apple scented? Fucking barf. This is so humiliating that I’d rather someone found Valtrex in my bathroom.
JULIA