Destroy the presses: worst book yet.

We get sent a lot of dog-shit books. Cook books for squatters, body modification encyclopedias, novels with pastel coloured covers for menopausal women, street-art stencil packs. Imagine a few hundred pages of tepid, banal dross, and we’ve probably seen it. But the other day, the grade boundaries were shattered when this atomic tome of shit slapped down on our door-mat. I have never been to L.A., but nor have I ever wanted to. It’s something to do with how the city is portrayed in the media, all that glitz and insincerity. The painful struggle for success, the disparity between rich and poor, crammed into an ugly sprawling shit tip of a city which replaced culture with star-shaped paving stones.Well, that was the picture I got. Thank god these guys made a whole book to set me straight.

Except… wait, this isn’t right. They have made a whole book reaffirming my every fear and superficial assumption I had about how crammed with cock-ends L.A. is. This is the photographer. Pretty hunky guy huh? Look at that sexy smile, if I was 14-year-old chick looking for a guy to fuck then he would be my type, but as far a photographers go, he looks like he should be shooting J17 covers, cheesy fucker.

But wait! Look! It’s ok, these guys on the West Coast know how to party. I take it all back, this guy is being dragged along by a dog. On a skateboard! This guy, get a load of him. He looks the skating type.

Talking of skaters, look at these three caramel teen dreams. I was about to let them go until I noticed, in the caption, that Mr assistant-hairdresser on the right is an aspiring actor. Just like 30% of the people in this book.

Talking of ‘showbiz’,meet this lovely publicist. He looks like a straight talker doesn’t he? I definitely can’t imagine him convincing me that my life story is going to make me my millions over a mojito only to suck my bronzed L.A. body dry and drive off in his toy car.

OMG. Look at this joker. What a card. He is dressed up as Elvis. I bet he is fun to hang out with.

It was at this stage that I started to feel really stupid. Maybe I have totally missed the joke here, and this is actually a really funny book? It’s all a parody? Right? I mean, Ben Afleck can’t really have a long lost brother who is a sexy puppeteer in L.A. can he? God, I feel silly now.

BRUCE LA VRAI