Good hygiene is critical to maintaining healthy relationships with others. Someone who doesn’t take care of themselves and their surroundings might not be the best romantic candidate.

Maybe you noticed your significant other has bad breath or often forgets to apply deodorant. Bringing up the topic of hygiene—or lack thereof—is never easy.

Here’s what to do if your partner’s hygiene is less-than-ideal…

1. Be gentle yet firm.

No one wants to hear that their hygiene is a turn-off, but sometimes, this is a necessary conversation. For example, if you notice your partner suddenly has a strong body odor, it could impact your intimacy if left unaddressed. It’s important to be gentle with your delivery, yet firm with your expectations. Don’t dance around the topic, but don’t be rude or critical about it, either. Simply communicate your feelings and talk through the issue together.

Additionally, don’t bring up this concern as leverage or ammo during a fight, but rather during a time when you’re both calm and alone together.

2. Be more helpful than critical.

Rather than attacking your partner and judging them for their unhealthy habits, try offering helpful solutions. In many cases, you can’t—and shouldn’t try to—shame someone into loving themselves enough to make a change. However, you can push them to make healthier choices that will benefit themselves and those around them. 

Constantly criticizing your partner for not cleaning their space, eating healthy, working out, or other bad habits might make them feel like a failure. Don’t insult or mock your partner; rather, focus on how their poor hygiene might be affecting you and your relationship. Then, provide ways they can improve the situation. 

For example, if your significant other is stressed about work and barely can find time for themselves, maybe you can help them with laundry or dedicate some time to cleaning up their space with them. In this case, focusing on teamwork can help them feel less alone and less judged while inspiring them to make better choices.

3. Start with actionable steps.

Sometimes, people can fall into slumps with their hygiene or cleaning habits when they’re experiencing health conditions like depression or an autoimmune flare-up. Maybe your partner is enduring a dark episode that’s caused them to become apathetic toward their environment. When this happens, chores can add up. There might be piles of dishes on their nightstand, dirty clothes on the floor, and unwashed sheets on the bed. Maybe they haven’t showered in a few days and have no groceries in the fridge.

It might be tempting to start demanding that your partner get up and get to work. However, in many cases, it’s more helpful to start slow. Encourage them to first get out of bed and into the shower. Help them clear their room of clutter. Place an order for grocery delivery if they’re not feeling up for going out. Don’t overwhelm them with a million tasks, or they might shut down completely.

Of course, this is more applicable advice for those who are suffering from health conditions. If you think your partner is just being lazy, well, a little tough love might go a long way. But again, approach them with care rather than nagging.