This actual leaked Sony email about The Amazing Spider-Man 2 is better than anything in The Amazing Spider-Man 2. pic.twitter.com/qO2H3aHwWN
— Tyler Huckafleek (@TylerHuckabee) April 23, 2015
Many industry secrets have been uncovered in the Sony Pictures hack. A new, searchable database of the leaked emails show that Nick Shore, a former MTV executive, pitched Sony on the idea of making Spider-Man into an EDM loving, Snapchatting millennial.
Here is what I imagine he had in mind.
EXT. COACHELLA - TWILIGHT
In front of the massive Instagram stage, a crowd of glowstick-wearing, face-painted millennials wave their arms wildly in no particular rhythm with the blaring electronic dance music.
DJ HUMBLEBRAG, a buzz worthy and cool mud-covered, tanktop-wearing electronic dance music artist, stands calmly in his signature tree pose. He leans forward, keeping his balance impeccable, his body centered, about to speak into a rarely used microphone.
(shouting into microphone)
I know you beautiful faces love gettin' dirty to my music, but how many of you got dirty at Tough Mudder this morning?
The MILLENNIAL CROWD loses their collective shit. A chant, coming from a small group of FLOWER CROWN-WEARING MILLENNIALS can be heard. It's barely audible at first, but slowly, it moves throughout the MILLENNIAL CROWD. Eventually, the chant drowns out the droning music.
Nbd, Nbd, Nbd
EXT. COACHELLA FOOD STAND - TWILIGHT
The line at the KRUSTY KALE, a locally sourced vegan food stand new to Coachella this year, stretches a couple hundred people back. Camera pans through the crowd, eventually settling on the face of
PETER, a super athletic, bendy, strong, intense millennial.
One Kale wrap please, nbd.
PETER grabs his wrap and EATS IT, quickly. All of a sudden, a sound coming from the distance piques his interest. After a quick look of recognition, he looks over to the INSTAGRAM STAGE. He runs off screen, toward a bank of eco-friendly composting portable toilets.
EXT. INSTAGRAM STAGE
The MILLENNIAL CROWD is still going nuts
EXT. COACHELLA PORTA POTTY
PETER steps out of the stageside porta potty, except he is no longer PETER, he is
SPIDER MAN, a super athletic, bendy, strong, intense millennial wearing a red full body suit. SPIDER MAN looks to the stage and notices the lighting rig hanging just above DJ HUMBLEBRAG.
He SHOOTS a WEB at the lighting rig and SWINGS onto the stage, landing just beside DJ HUMBLEBRAG, still in his signature tree pose. A drone captures this magnificent, beautiful movement from above. SPIDER MAN looks at his Apple Watch and steps up to the microphone, putting his arm around DJ HUMBLEBRAG.
Sorry to drop in. Looks like I'm just in time for the party!
SPIDER MAN pulls out his smartphone and taps on the Snapchat app. He clicks the "story" button and holds up the phone, recording the MILLENNIAL CROWD's reaction.
DJ Humblebrag, look at what you've got this millennial crowd doing! When you watch this Snapchat story later, you'll know just what a VIP you are. NBD.