Couples Are Ditching Anniversaries for ‘Arbitrary-Versaries’

Why celebrate the day you made it “official” when you could toast to the first time you farted in front of each other?

More couples are tossing out traditional milestones and creating their own bizarre benchmarks—known as arbitrary-versaries. These aren’t anniversaries marked by proposals or fancy dinners. They’re celebrations of the raw, ridiculous moments that make a relationship real. Like the night you ditched foreplay to binge-watch Love Island, the day their dog finally let you pet them, or that oddly intimate afternoon you unclogged their shower drain.

Popsugar editor Emma Glassman-Hughes says it started when she and her partner had no idea which date counted as their “real” anniversary. So they marked the night they made tomato, kale, and white bean soup together. “Cooking together in my kitchen felt like a big step,” she wrote. “As the soup simmered, we talked a lot about where our taste in music overlaps and diverges.”

Their “co-soup day” became their official annual celebration.

Couples Are Now Celebrating Weird ‘Arbitrary-Versaries’

The term arbitrary-versary was first coined by polyamory expert Laura Boyle, who called it “a fun excuse to mark the passage of time with someone you love.” But couples on TikTok have taken it to a whole new level. One user, @mmakalea, turned her husband’s “first time doing yardwork” into a milestone. Another couple joked about commemorating the day they felt comfortable enough to tell each other their breath stank.

On Reddit, a polyamorous user started a thread asking for unconventional moments to celebrate. Responses included “first scheduling conflict,” “first time their pet snuggled me,” and “the toothbrush migration.”

Not every love story fits a greeting card or annoyingly perfect IG post. Some are built on burned dinners, shared playlists, and unspoken agreements about who takes the ugly side of the bed. And maybe that’s what makes them stronger.

So whether you’re newly exclusive, long-term, or happily undefined—don’t wait for an official date. Pick your weirdest, most personal memory. Make soup. Make out. Make a holiday. Poop in front of each other for the first time. Just make it yours.