Do You Follow the Three-Month Rule With Dates?

Scrolling through the dating content on TikTok often feels like attending a million TED Talks from random people offering contradicting advice. We have the “dating coaches,” the “femme fatale,” and the “high value men,” all spewing a bunch of random tips that might just find you love.

Don’t do this, don’t do that. 

Do this instead, but only after six months, and only during the summer. 

But also do the complete opposite!

It’s exhausting.

And I know: as a writer who covers dating, I can’t necessarily talk. I’m no dating expert, and I certainly have had my own issues with dating in my 20s. But that’s partially why I caution against following some made-up rule or universal standard in your intimate relationships.

When I was at my lowest point in dating, I let all the unsolicited advice and opinions get in my head, so much so that I started to question who I really was and what I actually wanted. 

It wasn’t until I got quiet with myself and reflected on my own wants and needs that I was able to date with confidence and intention. 

What is the three-month rule?

One such “rule” I’ve seen all over social media is the “three-month rule.” There are various definitions for this rule, but the common one refers to the idea that after three months of dating, you should know whether you want to commit to the other person, and vice versa. You should, at the very least, be moving toward a commitment. 

Before that three-month mark, however, many caution against getting too serious or intimate.

Now, sure, this makes sense in theory. Of course, no one wants to waste their time on someone who isn’t willing to commit to them. But at the same time, as said earlier, this is not a one-size-fits-all approach. 

Can the Three-Month Rule Help You Find Long-Term Love?

For example, maybe you’ve known someone platonically for years and finally admitted to having feelings for each other. Does this mean you must wait three months before defining the relationship, even though you already have a solid foundation and spend practically every day together?

On the other hand, maybe you like to move slowly while dating and don’t have the time for multiple dates a week. Perhaps you met someone on a dating app, and in three months, you’ve only had, say, five casual dates with the person so far. Does that mean you should jump into a committed relationship just because three months have passed?

Not to mention, the honeymoon often starts to fade after a few months, so you might not even fully know the person until several months in. 

Some people might feel comfortable waiting, while others might feel that’s a waste of time. In my opinion, neither is right nor wrong. That’s why we search for compatibility. 

Context matters, and there are so many factors to consider when making such decisions. 

Follow your own timeline

These “rules” tend to strip us of our own intuitive senses. 

How do you feel right now in the relationship? Sit with that question, and be honest whether you feel you’re aligned with the other person.

Every relationship is different. Every person is different. We all have different dating experiences and traumas, and backgrounds that play into our dynamics. When two imperfect people come together, there is no strict rule book you can follow that guides you to success. 

Rather, you have to pave the path for yourselves. What works for you as partners? Are you getting your needs met? Are you fulfilled? Are you both on the same page?

You don’t need to wait three months to make a decision or have a hard conversation. You also don’t need to circle a date on a calendar and deem it time to discuss the fate of your relationship. 

If you feel the need to follow some TikTok rule to get what you want out of a person, you might want to ask whether that relationship is right for you in the first place.