Early on in dating, it can be difficult to compete with countless other prospects in the dating pool. Many date multiple people at once, running a “roster” of sorts. Others avoid commitment like the plague, falling into various situationships. Point being, it can be hard to capture someone’s attention and loyalty today.
However, in response to these dating woes, some people are tricking their dates by using the IKEA effect. Read on to learn all about this dating hack.
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What Is the ‘IKEA Effect’ in Dating?
The IKEA effect basically describes how some people become more interested in a person who is attainable but not too available. Just as furniture from IKEA feels more valuable after spending hours putting it together, so does the relationship with someone you had to “work for.”
“We call it the IKEA effect: If you put effort into assembling a piece of furniture—a table, for example—then you come to appreciate that table more than one you bought pre-made,” wrote Gurit Birnbaum, Ph.D., on Psychology Today. “What works with furniture works on the dating scene. When a potential partner invests effort, time, and thought into winning you over, their perceived value of the connection with you increases. They become more invested.”
This is similar to the idea of “playing hard to get.” Many daters feel they need to downplay their excitement early on in dating, waiting hours to respond to messages or delaying plans because they’re “just so busy right now.”
But while you don’t want to over-accommodate early on in dating, you also don’t want to come off entirely disinterested. Otherwise, the other person might write you off entirely, feeling they’ll never have a chance. (Kinda like when you check the price on that IKEA couch and realize it’s far out of your budget, so you walk away before getting too attached.)
The IKEA Effect: A Cautionary Tale
I stumbled upon a TikTok about the IKEA effect within established relationships, and the message was similar to the one above: connections that require effort are usually perceived to be more valuable. However, this video specifically referred to the concept as a “psychological trick” and a “love hack.”
“This principle suggests we cherish things more when we put effort into them,” the narrator says in the video. “Yes, even those frustrating pieces of furniture that test the limits of human patience.”
The TikTok video followed a heterosexual couple where the man was more invested than the woman. So, in an attempt to manipulate his partner into further cherishing him, the man turns his relationship into an experiment.
“Instead of opting for easy dates and Netflix nights, he nudges her into more involved activities,” the narrator explained.
Such activities—like building a complex bookshelf or cooking a disastrous meal—their bond strengthens. However, it’s all orchestrated via the IKEA effect. So, is it actually real, or is it just the psychological manipulation at play?
“Remeber: the IKEA effect’s magic and love isn’t just about the effort,” the narrator said. “It’s about sharing that effort, building something together that stands as a testament to your bond. It’s a reminder that sometimes, the best love is built, not found.”
While this underlying message rings true, the manipulation behind this tactic is a bit concerning. Perhaps if both parties were aware of the method and utilized the IKEA effect to build more intimacy, this would be a different story. However, it feels a bit…grimy to toy with your partner’s emotions in such a way.
Nevertheless, in the early stages of dating, many find this hack a surefire way to attract potential partners. Moral of the story? Make ‘em work for it.
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