Taylor Lorenz’ Twitter bio says that she covers tech, memes, and internet culture in her role as a staff writer at The Atlantic, and she does all of that very, very well. And, because she has had to immerse herself in some of the worst parts of the internet (like anything involving Jake or Logan Paul), she might be prepared to deal with her mentions after posting what she acknowledged was a “self own” on Twitter.
“I Seamlessed a $22 avocado toast and this is what just arrived,” she tweeted on Sunday, attaching a photo of a dismal looking slice of bread beside a pile of avocado that looked like it was trying to escape from its to-go box.
In less than 24 hours, that tweet was liked more than 4,500 times—and hopefully most of those likes were from people who could appreciate that disaster of a delivery. (Personally, I’m not even ready to discuss what happened to an açai bowl I recently ordered). There’s A LOT going on here, but it’s more the restaurant’s issue for charging $22—or whatever it is, minus Seamless’ own fees—for that sad lump of avocado and a piece of bread that looks less like it was toasted and more like it borrowed your mom’s Jergens gradual self-tanner.
Plus, for $22, Lorenz could’ve gotten Outfield Promenade tickets to watch the Mets lose to absolutely everyone, or downloaded Drake’s Scorpion and the good half of Take Care, or bought four packages of frozen drunk food, namely Trader Joe’s Mandarin Orange Chicken. AND SHE TOTALLY KNOWS ALL OF THAT, but that doesn’t mean that her @-replies aren’t the biggest dumpster fire this side of Rudy Giuliani’s open mouth.
“I thought my friends would laugh too at the ridiculousness of it and maybe throw me a fave or two and move on,” she told The Wrap.” Of course, it spread faster than that though and within an hour I was receiving harassment on levels I haven’t gotten in months.”
Because she spent her money for delivery from some overpriced local joint, she was called lazy, entitled, accused of supporting slave labor, endured endless mansplanations of how to make toast, and told to find a financial advisor for the rest of her trust fund. The word ‘stupid’ was used liberally, the word ‘millennial’ was used incorrectly, and ‘avocado’ was spelled at least a half-dozen different ways.
Lorenz isn’t and shouldn’t be some kind of villain or cautionary tale, except for those who are considering a Seamless order of avocado toast. There’s legit nothing wrong with placing a to-go order instead of standing in line during those endless brunch hours, when people spend more time trying to find the right Instagram-worthy light source than they do eating. The fact that she spent 22 bucks on toast didn’t prevent someone else from eating, it didn’t deny anyone else their rights, and it was way less toxic than the responses she got for daring to not make her own breakfast.
“Yes I know I played myself here,” she tweeted, even before she got the worst of it. “I was hungry! And lazy.” And good god, we look forward to reading her analysis of this situation in The Atlantic.