Last Nite

VICE: (Keep in mind Andrew is slurring his words like Foster Brooks after a car accident.) Why do people hate on a band just because if they’re so popular? It’s like “Oh that guy in the band’s uncle came in a girl’s ass. They suck.” Even if they haven’t heard the band. It’s such bullshit.

Guitarist Albert Hammond Jr WHAT!? You heard me. The guy’s nephew’s friend came in a girl. Yeah, it’s like “yeah, I hate them too.” Why do you have to feel sorry if you like a song? GOD FORBID. It’s like “I love the shit out of this song. There must be a catch. I’ve been duped. I shouldn’t like this.”

Singer Julian Casablancas What’s with Courtney Love saying you’re in love with her?

Julian You raped her and she ended up crying and tried to kill herself. No, I’m just kidding.

Albert He raped her and she was doing heroin and he stopped her. She burnt her eyeballs with matches and he tried to stop her in tears. His dad worked at a match company and didn’t want the lawsuit. He was hysterical, totally hysterical.

Nick I have it written here: “Ask them about your diet.” I don’t know what that means. I don’t give a shit about our diet.

Nick FINE! (The tape is stopped and it seems, judging by the increase in slurring, a fair amount of time has passed since the previous questions) WHAT?!

Authority figure What did you just say to me?

Someone young Uh, I hope you caught that tape recorder.
The side of my hair has been blown out. My left arm, it’s a bit shaggy.

Guitarist Nick Valensi Get your hands off me! Tape recorder – getting this? People are shaking me. AND I DON’T THINK IT’S WORKING!!!

Security guard