New York – Ima Robot One-sheet

“Black Jettas” was kind of all right in a jokey sort of way for like six minutes, but after reading this we’ve come to realize that there is no way that Ima Robot could ever write a seriously good song because their whole life is a really bad joke. Just like this gut-wrencher: 16 kicked-out band members in nine years? Who do you think you are, Destiny’s Child? Heyoo! But for some serious hilarity, please consider the following, the actual, honest-to-god, swear-we-didn’t-make-this-up-under-penalty-of-being-suspended-over-an-open-flame-by-our-pit-hairs-and-pubes promotional letter good old Ima’s publicist sent out with their new album.

DEAR DIARY,

I love being in Ima Robot. It is a very fun band. We make the best music on the planet I would say. People say we are going to take over the world.I think that would be really neat. I would be a very kind and yet strong leader if we took over the world. Like President Bush. Just kidding – my step dad likes him but I think he’s stupid. Anyway, we recorded our 2nd record over the summer with this old dude who wore see-through tank tops and lighting bolt earrings named David Bendeth. He’s ok. He knows a lot about how to pick up on strippers and stuff, so that’s cool. It took a long time to record. I had to go out to New York to do vocals which is cool because I had so much weird things happening in LA with girls that leaving was actually a blessing!

Anyway, now that the record is DONE (Finally!) and I think it’s going to be the album of the year. I can’t wait to get the Grammy for it. I’ll thank EVERYONE. (I promise!). It’s got SO many cool songs on it. I feel bad about writing Creeps Me Out about Jenny though-she got really bummed. But it was all so true-I just had to write about it!

Anyway, it’s sad that JMJ left us for Beck again. But I understand-he’s older and has a baby and needs money and stuff. Oh well, my friend Filip Nikolic is playing bass now for us and he rocks. And also its cool we have Scott Devours on drums. Devours is his REAL last name, which is toally RAD! That’s how I knew he would work—plus, he’s Timmy’s cousin (weird!)..He really likes mangos too.

I guess changes are all good though because me and Timmy the Terror started Ima Robot so long ago-like 9 YEARS ago! That’s so crazy…Anyway—we’ve gone through like 7 drummers, 5 bassists, and 4 keyboarders! So really, it doesn’t matter who’s in our band! Haha…is that mean? I feel weird having said that…oh well, it’s pretty true.

My mananger told me the record is gonna come out in August. Hottest month for the hottest record! Haha…

I can’t wait to go on tour again-girl complications-LA’s so small-it’ll be good to get away.

I wonder what we’ll name the record…coming up with names is hard…oh well, it’ll come.

Until the next time (I rock your fucking socks off!)

-Alex Ebert [singer guy]