Six Things I Learned from Watching The Chainsmokers’ New Video

Since The Chainsmokers’ latest track “Kanye” is all about teaching their fans to fulfil their potential and become who they were always meant to be, I thought I’d respond by telling Alex and Drew what I learned from their latest video.

1. Girls who Instagram in club washrooms will ditch their clothes and nobody says anything.

This could be because of:

-too many vodka sodas,
-deciding between Willow or Valencia,
-general “betchiness,” or
-the coke every girl swears she’ll pay Steve back for

Whatever it is, women who Instagram in club washrooms drop fur faster than baby seals in the Arctic and nobody lifts a well-manacured finger to help them.

2. Even when it’s not Halloween, French maid costumes are still sexy.

Normally, a costume has to be made sexy. Sexy army officer costumes have buttons removed, sexy nurse costumes would be a health hazard in any hospital, and sexy teacher costumes are basically just sexy schoolgirl costumes with a ruler or an abacus or some shit. Sexy French maid costumes are simply French maid costumes worn by anyone. This costume selection gets a tip of the hat.

3. Never say no to partying with strangers.

If I learned anything from college, it’s to conform and never say no. If I learned anything from Rocky movies 2 through 4, it’s that nothing beats a good montage.

4. DJs make terrible/amazing bartenders.

Alex and Drew once bartended for me in real life last year and I didn’t get out of bed until 9pm the next day. If you see them pouring whiskey neats at your favourite club, don’t expect to do much apart from watch Netflix and order Dominos the next day.

5. Most baes carry their heels home.

It doesn’t matter if you’re a tall bae or a short bae, a big bae or a small bae, after 3am heels are jails for your feet. There’s no shame in walking barefoot through Silver Lake (though I would get a tetanus shot the next day).

6. We should all be like Kanye.

In no particular order, Kanye has:

– rocked Stutterheim jackets before they were cool
– inspired eBay sellers to ask for ” no requests under $3999″ in exchange for a pair of Red Octobers
– banged Kim Kardashian
– been the best part of the KOBESYSTEM
– received an open letter from the French Baker’s Association
– been sad on vacation
– generated more press by eating ice cream than U2 did by forcing everyone to download their album

– also, music-related stuff. To be honest, I didn’t have to watch this video to learn all this.

Ziad Ramley is on Twitter: @bluuuuueeeeeee

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