"I'm afraid that is what you get when you vote for socialists," the Tories' favourite Victorian ghoul told MPs this week.
Laurence Fox shit the bed again this week upon discovering that he'd been blocked on Twitter by the BAFTA-winning actress, writer and comedian Rebecca Front.
With the economy receding faster than Matt Hancock’s hairline, the long-suffering public were dealt another financial blow this week.
This week brought a flurry of shit takes from Kirstie Allsopp, Charlie Mullins and Andrew Neil – the latter two speaking live on ITV from their continental villas.
If people weren't too stupid to notice the 53 pence disparity between two different potato products, perhaps 14 million wouldn't be in poverty across the UK, suggests Annunziata Rees-Mogg.
From mandatory calorie labelling on chain restaurant menus to doctors being paid to refer patients to Weight Watchers, let's look at exactly what's wrong with the "Better Health" campaign.
Recent tweets from Wiley and Jay Electronica, among others, have sown discord and division between communities that have more in common than not.
Unsurprisingly, the "Leave Britney Alone!" of right-wing politics doesn't have quite the same charm as the original.
Boris Johnson was caught in a lie. The sensible response? Call out the man who exposed the lie as the opposition, then direct all of your Twitter followers at him.
The worst take of the week: James Martin, celebrity chef, protesting a fire service mascot change by pivoting to 'otter'.
"Mummy, can you suspend democracy for me? I want to go hard Brexit!"
Michael Fabricant suggesting that the Tory party needs a little "madness and pizazz" to get through Brexit was a deranged take to out-do, and yet...