Are You Getting Any? If I Send You a Nude, You’d Better Send One Back

When it comes to sexy photos, Eilidh has a tit-for-tat policy.
15 April 2020, 8:00am
Sexting: How to Send Nude Photos
Screenshot of Eilidh talking to the author. 
Welcome to 'Are You Getting Any?', a column that asks a generation rumoured not to fuck if they in fact fuck.

As the coronavirus pandemic continues, Are You Getting Any? interviews are conducted via Skype video call.


Quality of sex overall: 6.5/10
Frequency of sex: 8/10
Intimacy levels: 3/10
How do you feel generally about the people you fuck: 7/10
How happy are you with the amount of time you have for sex: 7/10

VICE: Hi Eilidh! How have you found lockdown so far?
Eilidh: I feel pretty lucky. The night that lockdown was announced, I actually had somebody over and I was like, “You’re here now, might as well stay.” So, I was lucky when that happened, but I don’t do very well if I go without sex for too long.

How long is “too long”?
Well, the first week, I thought I might die. It was really bad and I think it’s more that I knew I couldn't [have sex]. My brain was like, “Girl, you need to get some.” I say to my friends, “It’s been a month, I’m going through a real dry spell.” My friend who had a dry spell for nine months was like, “Shut up!”

So, nine months is a dry spell?
I was experiencing a dry spell, she was experiencing a drought! [Laughs.]

OK, so you’re definitely not enjoying lockdown without sex, right?
It’s because I don’t know how long this is going to go on for. We just don’t know.

Is it tempting to have someone over?
I live alone, so if there was a guy who lived alone, I wouldn’t mind so much. But the guy I’ve been sleeping with recently doesn’t live alone, so I don’t want to risk it.

Has anyone tried to invite you over, or invite themselves to yours?
No, because I don’t think I would need much convincing. It's probably for the best actually, that no one has tried. I mean, I’ve had a few guys message me, but no one has been like, "I’m going to come up and see you." It’s been, "Once lockdown is over." I’m like, "Yeah, but that’s weeks away!"

But it would be really selfish of me to have someone over because of the lockdown rules. I have a lot of friends who work for the NHS and I couldn’t do that to them. But I’m going to be like a withered-up prune, laying in my bed. As soon as lockdown is over, someone’s going to have to come in and... water me. [_Laughs._]

I think there are two types of people during lockdown; those who are horny and those who don’t have sex on their radar. It sounds like you’re firmly in the horny camp?
Definitely! That first week, I’ve never experienced anything like it. Holy shit!I don’t know if it was hormone-based but I feel a little more chill now, but I’m definitely in agreement that isolation makes you horny. I think the people who never want to have sex again are maybe the ones that are isolated with their partners and are having a lot of sex, which is unfair for them to comment.

Why do you think isolation makes people horny?
Well, I have no interaction. I now live alone and I have no neighbours so I could be as loud as I want, you know? I’ve got the perfect set-up but nobody can come round. I think it’s the not knowing as well. If I hadn’t had sex for two weeks then I would be chill, but because the government have said it’s a three-week lockdown so far, I think that’s why I’m freaking out.

What do you think your sex life will be like straight after lockdown?
There were a couple of people I had – this is going to sound awful – lined up before lockdown happened. But now I’m like, "How many could I possibly squeeze into one week?"

Oh yeah, you’ll be going back to work and regular life, right?
That’s the thing, once it’s lifted I’ll be back at work full-time. But I think I’m going to go a bit mad.

Has sex always been a big part of your life?
Yes. [_Laughs._] I don’t like to think it is, but it really is. I’ve slept with a few people now, I don’t know how it compares with other people’s numbers. Most of them tend to be more than once, but saying that, I think I’m now on par for regular partners and one-night stands. But most of the people I’ve slept with I do sort of know. There’s only been a handful of strangers. But it’s just sex. Why not?

True. So what do you think of the British Medical Journal research? Coronavirus aside, is social media to blame for us all shagging less?
I wouldn’t say we’re having less sex, I think there’s less people in relationships. I think people aren’t in relationships because it’s all very much like, “Oh, he didn’t message me for three hours, so now I have to wait three days.” Social media plays a big part in that and what we’re expected to do and whether someone is interested in us. I definitely wouldn’t say we’re having less sex because of social media though, but maybe that’s just because us Scots are wild. [_Laughs._]

Do you have that disparity between those who are having more and less sex in your group of friends?
I’d say most of my friends probably want a relationship but haven’t met the right person, so in the meantime, we’ll just sleep with people. Like, I would love to be in a relationship because consistent sex would be great. But I’m not settling down unless the person is 10/10. Most of my friends – for lack of a better term – we’re all slags, I think. They’ll kill me for saying so!

Let’s hope they don’t. How have you been getting around your isolation horniness?
Lots of masturbation. I’ve had a lot of guys sexting me, and if I’ve had half a bottle of wine and a cute guy messages me, I might be more inclined to send pictures back. Every time they message me, I’m like, "No, I operate a tit-for-tat system. If I’m getting mine out, you’re getting yours out."

What? They ask for pictures but don’t send anything at all?
They expect pictures on demand and that's not how that works. It will be a dick pic either from the top or the front camera looking up.

God, front camera looking up.
I applaud the effort they go to to make it look bigger. I do the same thing. I’m not a skinny girl, so if I’m taking pictures I’m very careful. Make sure the chub lines aren’t in the way. I get a lot of guys asking to see my tits because they’re pretty big. I had one guy who was obsessed with my ass but then it turns out he has a girlfriend, but I didn’t find out until afterwards.

So, lockdown so far has mainly been sexting?
There’s been a lot, but even just messaging guys.

Like in a non-sexy way?
Yeah. I love the memes that are like, "When lockdown is over and all the guys you’ve been messaging are asking you out." And it's like, “No. We’re quarantine and chill buddies only.”

Thanks Eilidh!


Interview has been edited for length and clarity.

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