It is a blessing and a gift to carry around an ass, a set of cushions that are nice to sit on, in a pinch. An ass has physiological function, sure; but also, it’s a pretty decent chair. It’s a perfectly fine design and I never felt the need to improve upon it until I came across and exciting and unexpected level-up: the Wearable Chair.
The Wearable Chair is a device that takes your normal ass and makes it even more sittable. It’s go-go-gadget chair legs for your hiney, a pair of bendable, aluminum skewers that look like they sprung from your cheeks. It’s an absurd item, yet I feel that it is deeply necessary and—dare I say?—brave. It’s a creation that looks at a world where standing is equivalent to virtue, and asks, But why?
Wearable Chair appears (“appears,” I say, because no one in this office has approved my request to expense one??? Ed note: over my dead body) to work like this: You strap it onto your waist and thighs via a series of seatbelt-like buckles, allowing the two aluminum legs to dangle off your bottom. You walk around like this until the urge to sit arrives (and it always does), at which point, the legs can be placed upon the ground, where, through a miracle of physics, the legs plus your own body become a chair.
The Chair has a few flaws. A friend pointed out that this is basically the same as creating a wall-sit situation for yourself, just minus the wall. My editor noticed that wearing this chair makes it impossible to sit in any Real chair (which does beg the question: what do we mean when we say “real” chair?). Also, it’s kind of just half a chair, because your human legs are part of the design concept.
Still, I am left with no choice but to admire this piece of machinery. It’s a challenge to be a sit-down guy in a stand-up world. The Wearable Chair welcomes, nay, encourages this. Wearable chair walks so that you can sit.
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