JAMIE TAETE’S INTERNET ROUNDUP

WORLD’S LEAST CONVINCING HIP-HOP BOASTS DISCOVERED

Going into a musical genre as uniform and judgmental as hip-hop is a brave move on this guy’s part. And he should definitely be applauded for his courage. Can you even begin to imagine how many “they see me rollin’/they hatin’” gags he’s gonna have to deal with?

LONG OVERDUE MEETING BETWEEN CAMPBELL AND PUTIN FINALLY MATERIALISES

(via)

Gay magazine for straight people GQ has managed to snag both Naomi Campbell and Vladamir Putin for their new issue! And in a move that boggles the mind they got them to interview each other. So what did they talk about? Blood diamonds and secret assassinations? Nah. First they talked about how hot they both are:

Naomi Campbell: You’re in pretty good physical shape. How do you manage to keep yourself so fit?
Vladimir Putin: Probably the same way you do.

And then Naomi flexed her journalistic muscles by making a ridiculous transition from one irrelevant subject to the next:

I’ve seen the picture of you doing the butterfly stroke and, since I’ve been living in Russia, I noticed most people here swim the butterfly. I can’t swim the butterfly, but I was just in the Dead Sea in Jordan and it was the first time I floated in my whole life.
You can swim any way you like in the Dead Sea, actually. But I was swimming butterfly because the water was cold. It was one of the famous Siberian rivers and the water was something like 16˚C. My idea was to get out of the water as soon as possible.

And then they closed by talking about how Naomi has never seen a strong woman:

You’ve been known to attend bare-knuckle fights. Ever been in one?
No, it’s not my sport; since I was 14, I’ve done judo. But the bare-knuckle fight I attended was very impressive. These guys are tough. I watched the Russian, French and British teams and each and every one of these athletes deserves great credit. There are even women who do it.

Big women?
Not big, just strong women.

I’d like to see one of those.

Great job guys! Really informative. Maybe you should stick to trying to moisturise away your sexuality.

NEW EXTREME SPORT UNVEILED. HATERS SHRIEK WITH DELIGHT

Are you exXxtreme? Do you love sitting down, but miss the adrenaline rush you get when you’re doing more exciting activities, like not sitting down? Well you’re in luck! Eurogarbage extreme sitting is here! Finally something for people to do when breakdancing just isn’t lame enough.

CHRISTIAN TEENS FORGET THE PAST. DOOMED TO REPEAT IT

Dear Christian Parents, allowing your children to make and then upload these videos to the internet for the entire world to make fun of is tantamount to child abuse. But please, carry on.

RIHANNA INVOLVED IN SHOCK UNORIGINALITY SCANDAL

Remember a couple of months ago where we blew the lid off the Rihanna/Ryan McGinley plagiarism scandal? Well she’s at it again. For her new video, she’s decided to plagiarise every terrible picture David LaChapelle has taken in the last ten years (and when I say that “she’s decided” I actually mean “the trend analysts, focus groups, researchers, and computer programs that make Rihanna’s decisions for her decided”).

I’m just glad someone noticed before me this time. I’m not sure I could spend another day screencapping a Rihanna video.

JAMIE LEE CURTIS TAETE