In this installment of Shuffle and Splooge, music writer Sophie Saint Thomas shrugs off common folk in favor of public fingerings, and sits on Katy Perry’s face.
“Firework” by Katy Perry
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“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?” No Katy, no I do not. I sit on her face to shut her up. Oh, oh, oh. You’d think Katy Perry would have a bare puss because of all the skimpy outfits she wears, but she actually has a little tuft of fur that’s dyed blue. As I pick up a dildo meant to resemble a unicorn horn I whisper into her vagina “You don’t have to feel, like a wasted space. You’re original, can’t be replaced.”
“Heroes” by David Bowie
We roll on top of one another on the beach at night, laughing at everything. I try to imitate the sound a dolphin but fail miserably. We laugh harder. We both came to this island with friends, both have someone back home. The love is intensified by the rum and the stars and the knowledge that we only have a few days. Nothing, nothing will keep us together. We can be us just for one day. I pull the shirt off his thin body and wrap my legs around his waist. And we kissed, so nothing could fall. He picks me up and carries me to the water. The morning brings hangovers, airports, and the shame on the other side. In the dark, chilly water he experiences me. We can be heroes just for one day.
“Common People” by Pulp
I want to live like common people. I want to sleep with common people. I want to go home with someone I met at Brother Jimmy’s. I want to fake an orgasm. I want to let a stranger come in me like common people without OCD do. Are you sure you want to live like common people? Are you sure you want to sleep with common people? No! I want to make out with my favorite bisexual couple after a Pulp show. I want to order my friends to finger bang me in inappropriate public places. I want be fucked by a guy who openly fantasizes about giving Jake Gyllenhaal a hand job. You’ll never live like common people! You’ll never do whatever common people do. Wahoo!
Previously – Shuffle and Splooge – Playlist #7
