3D-Printed Penis Implants Are Helping Rabbits and Pigs With Their Erections

Publishing its findings in the scientific journal Nature Biomedical Engineering, which I’m assuming comes delivered to your door in nondescript packaging to hide its tantalizing contents, a team of scientists is exploring 3D-printed penises as a potential groundbreaking treatment for erectile dysfunction.

The scientists are 3D printing models of penises using a specialized hydrogel material that replicates the essential structures of a naturally occurring penis. That includes all of the various Latin-named parts of a penis vital to its day-to-day functions, like the tunica albuginea, which is the tissue layer that covers the penis and the testicles, and the corpora cavernosa, which is the spongy erectile tissue.

Make no mistake: this isn’t a rabbit penis-shaped dildo scientists are strapping on bunnies. These are full on fake penises that are designed to work like real penises, including achieving and maintaining an erection when flushed with fluid.

The researchers then started implanting these printed penises in rabbits and pigs living with erectile dysfunction. After some getting used to, the animals went right back to mating and reproducing as they did before the erectile dysfunction. It’s only a matter of time before human men’s flaccid penises are replaced with hydrogel dicks that, I’m assuming, will one day be available in a variety of sizes ranging from absurd to ludicrous.

Erectile dysfunction can often just be a mental thing, but it can also be caused by physical medical conditions like poor blood flow, nerve damage, or a handful of other factors.

Researchers are quick to point out, though, that it’s not a perfect penis by any means. Their 3D replicas need a lot more work before a human man can proudly say his penis is hot off the presses. The 3D-printed penis does not replace damaged blood vessels or damaged nerves.

So, congrats, men! Not only do you have a plethora of erectile dysfunction pills to choose from to revive your ailing dong, but now there is the potential to replace your entire penis with a brand-new one. Meanwhile, all women get is a “female Viagra” pill with an unreliable track record.