Can You Really Be Friends With Your Ex? It Depends.

Here’s an age-old controversial question: Can you be friends with your ex?

We’d all like a straight answer. Unfortunately, though, you won’t be getting one here, because really…it depends.

A quick internet search produces countless conflicting theories. Some argue that you can absolutely be friends with your ex while others vehemently maintain that you cannot—and both raise valid points. 

Take this TikTok from the POV of a girl who became best friends with her ex after a few years of moving on.

But there’s also this take, which addresses the dangers of trying to be friends with an ex.

One thing both can agree on is that if a friendship were to blossom between two exes, there needs to be some space first. Transitioning from a romantic connection to a platonic one is no easy feat. (Trust me, I’ve tried).

In my opinion, it’s all about what works best for you and your specific situation. Of course, if you have a new partner, it’s also important to factor in their feelings about it. What boundaries do they have, and what boundaries feel right for you?

Maybe being friends with your ex looks like catching up every few months via text or only keeping up on social media. Or, on the other hand, maybe you’re comfortable having them as part of your inner circle, spending time with them as frequently as you would any other friend. Again, there’s no concrete “right” or “wrong” answer here.

However, in my experience, it is important to check your feelings and intentions when pursuing this type of relationship with an ex.

Ask yourself: are you keeping them around as a friend in hopes that they might change their mind someday, or do you genuinely just value the friendship you share with them? Do you feel the friendship is preventing you from finding someone new or causing issues in your current relationship? Would it quite literally feel like a knife in your heart if you watched them fall in love with someone else?

Or…has enough time passed, healing achieved, and boundaries upheld that you can now embrace the friendship for what it is: a valuable platonic relationship?

Every connection is unique. There’s no rulebook for how we as humans should socialize and connect with each other. What matters is what feels right for you and your closest people.

So, what do you think: could you be friends with your ex?