I Don’t Want My MTV

When Carl Craig, the inventor of Detroit techno, isn’t DJing, remixing, doing Innerzone Orchestra or preparing for the tenth anniversary of Planet E communications, he’s watching TV. Here is what he’s watching.

1. Johnny Sakko and the Giant Robot
All the characters in the show wore these incredible asymmetrical 60s mod suits with dark glasses. It’s about some bald dude who creates a giant robot to take over earth and the robot is like a thousand feet tall or something. His eyes glow and he can shoot bullets out of his fingers and shoot fire out of his ass and his mouth and do karate and shit.

2. Ultraman
Ultraman was the shit cuz when he first came out he would put this object into the air to become Ultraman, and that object was a spoon (laughs maniacally). I guess people in Japan at that time didn’t know what the fuck a spoon was or some shit cuz they just used chopsticks. I don’t know what the fuck it was. So they ended up having to change it to a pen. That was some goofy shit.

3. Voltron
Everybody’s gotta remember Voltron. There were five members of this group that was gonna save the world and they all had these different cats that were their vehicles and when they all got together they would form this robot called Voltron. That’s why the Wu-Tang Clan would always say “Yo, we gonna connect like Voltron.” All of them get together and make this ultimate machine which is Wu-Tang.

4. Battle Of The Planets
It was almost “Voltron,” but they each had their own vehicles. One would drive a fast-ass car or a motorcycle, and this little dude that looked like Björk was driving a dune buggy around. Then they would all drive into this plane that was called the Fiery Phoenix. After they got to a certain mach speed, they would turn into a flaming bird. Then somehow they would save the world with it.

5. Power-Puff Girls
They’re so cute but they’re so strong. My favorite is Mojo Jojo because he’s just so ignorant (again with the laughing). “I am going to take over and the Power-Puff Girls can’t stop me!” I watch Cartoon Network religiously.

6. Daria
Although the fashion clubs on “Daria” are too vapid for me, I’d still like to be part of the men’s fashion club. When I was a kid, I was always really weird and on the outside, but I would have started my own fashion club where everybody would Prada down with Flock Of Seagulls coifs. We’d call it “fashion.”

7. Fritz The Cat
I’m just a nasty motherfucker and I like to see cartoon characters fuck.

8. South Park
It’s an interesting take on kids swearing, which is what I grew up doing. I like it when Ike, the baby says “Uncle-fucker” and “You shit-head cock-master.” I like that big talking clitoris too.

9. Ghost In The Shell
It’s completely like an animated Blade Runner, but way beyond. We’re all into that sci-fi futurism cyborg shit here at Planet E. I love it when robots almost become human.

10. Bi-Centennial Man
Even though the movie was mad corny, I’ve been thinking of doing a porno movie based on it. We’d call it Bi-Centennial Slam or, umm, Balling Bi-Centennial Man. The whole concept would be a machine fucking a woman and then realizing he wants to be a man so he would get new parts put on. He’s a machine but he has feelings, so he gets a dick. Then he decides that he wants some more stimulation so he gets some balls made so that she can lick his balls and make him feel good. Then he gets an asshole so she can lick his asshole. Nipples. You know, he wants to be able to come all over her face even though he’s a robot. That kinda shit.


Planet E Communications celebrates its tenth anniversary in 2001.